I LOVE you. You’re my number one, my platonic life partner, and, sometimes, my nemesis.
I know you never mean to piss me off beyond belief, but… well, I’m always going to forgive you for it anyway.
1. When you ignored every single piece of advice I gave you and kept making the same mistake.
You are going to be the death of me. How many times do I have to say, “he’s not worth it,” or “cheaters never change” or “eight shots of tequila is too many,” before you hear it??
I love you to bits, but I’m prepared to slap you silly if you text your ex one more time.
2. When you told my mom waaaaaay more than she needed to know.
To be fair, I never told you not to mention my one night stand with that DJ in front of my mother. But I assumed you would, y’know, not talk about my sex life in front of my mother.
3. When you found love and completely forgot I existed.
I know it’s not your fault… but it’s rough going from a perfect duo to an awkward third wheel. Or when I want to complain about that single lyfe, and you want to talk about wedding shows and babies. Ugh.
But I’ll stick it out, because I want you to do the same for me when I find The One.
4. When you blew me off for ‘other friends.’
Umm… who is that wretched bitch in your profile pic? Her work friend? Since when do you have all these other friends? Who are they? Where did they come from?
5. Or when you invited other friends into our life.
Aaaaaand now I have to be around these random people and interact with them. Ok, so sometimes you’re good at finding the cool people in this world (I mean, you’re friends with me), but other times… I just don’t know what you see in these civilians. But I’d suffer through basic human beings to be your BFF.
6. When you lost/ruined/puked on my favorite clothes.
It’s a hazard of any true best friendship. We share clothes, so eventually someone’s going to eat spaghetti while wearing someone else’s sheer white blouse. #sorrynotsorry
7. When you hated my boyfriend for no good reason at all. Literally, at. all.
You’re just mad that you’re not my only priority anymore. That’s the only reason anyone could possibly hate my bae. But I still love you.
8. When I hated your boyfriend for a very good reason.
Why is your boyfriend always at your place? His tattoos are so tacky and he never shuts up about his poetry. Like, you see what I mean here, right?
9. When you never texted me back and I assumed you were dead.
If you don’t check in every few hours, it’s only natural that I assume you’ve been SVU’d. And then you’re all like “oh sorry my phone died” like that’s an excuse?? Please. Spare me.
10. When you didn’t know how to handle my crisis.
Oof. This one’s tough. But sometimes I’m dealing with something major, and you don’t know the exact right thing to say. And I know you’re doing her best, but when I don’t even know what I need, sometimes you don’t know either.
11. But you made up for it in the end.
But even when you doesn’t know exactly what to do, I can trust you to do your best, and that’s what counts. And you’ll always forgive me when I’m a drastic bitch, too.