You simply don’t want to come to terms with the fact that you’re a lightweight drinker. You know it to be true in your very soul, but that doesn’t mean everyone around you needs to know. Okay, now they know. Word’s out.
Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with being a lightweight. It’s good to know your limits. Think of it this way. You’re the least likely of all your friends to end up an alcoholic.
1. You have come to the conclusion that beer gives you headaches.
You stick to wine, light beers or hard ciders like Angry Orchard because if you do have one of your favorite IPA’s or Lager’s, you’ll be cradling your head in your arms by the end of the night.
God forbid you smoke a cigarette with that IPA. Then you’ll be in bed with an ice pack and your side BF, Excedrin Migraine.
2. You sneak water in between drinks.
Everyone’s like, “Shots of Tequila!” Then you’re in the corner of the bar trying to politely ask for a glass of water. Either that, or you’re really trying to keep it on the low, going to the bathroom to drink out of the faucet.
Only thing about that is, it’ll result in you having to go to bathroom to pee. Between your travels for water and your actual needs to pee, people look at you like you’re a human water fountain or like you have the weakest bladder known to mankind.
3. You foster the same beer for almost an hour.
You’ve been clutching on to that Corona for almost an hour now. It’s not even cold anymore.
Someone asks you if you’re drinking the same beer, and you’re like, “No, of course not!” LOL
4. You’re turning down shots when it’s only 12AM.
You just can’t. Especially when your friends are mixing it up on their liquor choices.
I thought we were sticking to Whiskey?
5. You go out to smoke more often than you need to.
You jump at the chance to step outside and smoke with a friend or a random stranger.
The less time you spend inside, the less likely your friends will force you to take another shot with them.
6. You separate from your friends when you get tipsy.
Your friend walks over to you and asks you why you’re all the way on the other side of the bar by yourself. You say it’s too loud over there for you right now.
I act like I’m watching the game. Then they say, “You don’t even like sports!” Trueee, you right.
7. You get deep into conversation… like, too deep.
Whenever you’re having a great conversation with someone, they’re more likely to not notice that you haven’t ordered another drink.
So when the convo starts to die down, you quickly change topics or blurt out a witty remark. You quippy bastard, you.
8. You seek out new friends.
The great thing about new friends for a lightweight is that they don’t know how much you’ve already had to drink. Score.
9. You claim that you’re tired.
There will be some point in the night where you’ll have your head down. You’ll say you barely slept the night before. You’re really just feeling the last few drinks you had.
10. You call it a night way too early.
Everyone is rowdy and singing songs obnoxiously out of tune. You’re planning the best possible escape method.