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10 Commandments of the First Date

First dates can be scary, but only in a fun, exciting, utterly terrifying way. Don’t panic! Just take a few deep breaths and remember the 10 holy commandments to keep you from ending up in a first date disaster:

Thou shalt not stress over what to wear.

We’ve all heard the rules about dressing for your date. A dress tight enough to show that you’re a woman, but loose enough to show that you’re a lady, blah blah blah. But here’s a new rule: fuck that. Wear what makes you comfortable and happy. He’ll think you’re cute even if you show up in a burlap sack.

Thou shalt not obsess over thy ex.

Exes are a universal turn-off. Keep the past in the past.

Thou shalt be a good listener.

Thou shalt at least try to listen when he talks about himself. But if he starts talking about his ex, or his commitment issues, you are allowed to zone out.

Thou shalt be honest.

If you lie and say you majored in Politics, and then end up dating this dude long term, you’re eventually going to have to own up and admit that you actually majored in Theater Tech with a minor in Movement. Just be honest up top.

But thou shalt lie about googling him.

But for the love of god, don’t be honest about stalking him online. Lie through your teeth and pretend that you TOTALLY don’t know that he was on swim team in high school and that his ex’s name is Veronica and that you’re definitely hotter than her and he should be grateful.

Thou shalt eat food.

If it’s a dinner date, you’re allowed to eat. He’s not going to judge you on what you order. Boys who judge girls on eating salad vs burgers don’t get second dates. Please eat.

Thou shalt not get sloppy drunk.

Look, you’re allowed a little liquid courage. But you just might want to know your limit. Falling down drunk is not the cutest first impression.

Thou shalt not live tweet.

Your phone should stay in your purse, unless he won’t shut up about his home brewery. Or he’s in the bathroom and you need to update your girls on how the night’s going. Or you break the rules and end up getting sloppy drunk anyway, and you need to take a drunk selfie with him.

Thou shalt not put up with douchebags.

A first date is not a contract. If he’s insufferable, you’re well within your rights to get an “emergency text” from your roommate and bow the hell out of there.

Thou shalt not worry about rules.

But if he turns out to be your perfect future husband, and you guys just click, you’re allowed to throw the rulebook out the window. Who cares if it’s kosher to sleep with someone on the first date? You do you, and if he’s the right guy it’ll all work out.