24 Dudes Who Tried To Sext But Ended Up Ruining Everything

Online dating means anonymity and an enormous pool of willing applicants to choose from. So it’s not really surprising that dudes are on there trying out the world’s worst pickup/sexting lines left and right. They have very little to lose, after all.

But, still. Some of these sext attempts are just…a lot. Where do these dudes even come up with this sh*t? Some of them were clearly cribbed off more clever people on Reddit. But others are the result of unrestrained horniness, and/or stupidity, and/or just willful ignorance? Honestly, I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you. Nobody can.

But there is one among us who is dedicated to documenting all these sexting fails anyway. They go by the Tumblr name of straightwhiteboystexting, and before you get all mad about the name, let me offer an explanation straight from the horse’s mouth: “The name of this blog is based off of the phenomenon of the “straight white boy text” aka asking “hey what’s your bra size ;)” in the middle of a conversation, or things like “what would you do if you were here haha lol ;)”. Basically things that even if you want to sext with the person, they either completely ruin the mood either because they’re not sexy or because it pretty much puts all the sexting work on you. The phrase “you sext like a straight white boy” comes from this. Boys of all orientations and races do this. And not all of them do it, either.”

So there.

1. Christopher, who started off so strong:

2. This dude, who asked the perfect thing if his intention was to disgust:

3. Sadegh, who clearly has way too much going on:

4. This guy, with the perv cat:

5. Tom, who really had no reason to go there:

6. This dude, who could’ve just stopped after the first sentence:

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7. Also this one:

8. Jaime, who finally got it wrong after four attempts:

9. This guy, who…has…big…cookies?

10. Aidan, who decided negging was the right tactic:

11. This dude, who wrote a revolting poem:

12. Joe, who is a LOT:

13. Dean, who seems to have lost all sense of self:

14. And Neal, who didn’t get the hint after listing beverages and moved onto listing other thigns:

15. This dude, who really should’ve just left it at the picture:

16. Ditto:

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17. Adam, whose pickup lines are very concerning indeed:

18. This dude, whose curiosity got the best of him:

19. Eric, who snagged this charming pickup line straight off Reddit:

20. Same same:

21. This dude, who really could’ve taken the ramen and ran with it rather than saying what he said:

22. This guy, who thinks his cleverness cannot be touched:

23. Devin, who unnecessarily desecrated Mario Kart:

24. And finally, f**kin’ Martin:

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h/t straightwhiteboystexting