He’s Never Going To Be The Man You Want Him To Be

You love him, you love him with all of your heart. You think that he is “the one,” the person that you can spend the rest of your life with. But, there’s something inside of you that is holding you back—that is making you second guess where you are and where you’re going. It’s that little trickle of doubt that keeps you up at night when he doesn’t come home on time when he isn’t answering your calls, when he takes too long to answer your texts.

When we love people, we always try to see the best in them—think of it as wearing rose-colored glasses. We see everything in bright shades of pinks and reds—looking at everything as though it’s sunshine and rainbows. We don’t want to be bothered with the harrowing realities of seeing the truth in people, their true colors and who they are. We try to end fights as soon as they begin—we’d rather go back to happier times when we’re laughing than those sad times of misery.

But, behind every “it’ll get better,” and all the fights that go unsolved, we realize that slowly, maybe the person we love is not the person we want them to be. It happens, slowly, and creeps up on you-you don’t realize it until it hits you in the face like a punching bag.

You may think that you love someone with all of your heart—and, find out, that you love their potential more than you love them. Think of all the aspects about them that you resent, the ones that drive you insane…how do you cope with them? Do you tell yourself that the longer you’re together, the more he will “tone it down?” You tell yourself that time will fix whatever it is that truly keeps you up at night, worried, anxious, and unsatisfied. He’ll stop going out so much when we “settle down,” and he’ll be better at opening up to me the longer we are together and eventually, he’ll have to stop doing all of the things that push our buttons.

The reality is that waiting for someone to change is like waiting for rain in a drought—it could very much happen, but it also could take weeks, months, years—possibly forever–for it to actually come. Some people are capable of change, and others are strong in their personalities. Your person may be set in their ways, they have no desire to change—and, they won’t. You’ll be sitting on the edge of your seat, an innocent bystander watching your relationship, waiting for the moment he will “snap out of it.”

But, in the end, you’re only hurting you.

Waiting for him to change will leave you disappointed and aggravated. You will be counting the hours and minutes on the clock, waiting for days to pass you by, praying that “day” comes soon. All the while, you leave your heart half-full. You are unhappy, unsatisfied, unfulfilled with the person they are now—not knowing if the person they will be later is the person you truly need. There are dozens upon dozens of people in the world who are what you need—hundreds, thousands. They may be the ones who could make you happy now.

And, why waste the now hoping for later?