For some people, sex is a race. It’s two people running as fast as they can to the finish line, so they can feel a sense of accomplishment. And if they don’t get there, it’s considered a failure.
While that final reward is mind-bogglingly amazing, spellbinding, and beautiful, there’s more to it than just quickly reaching that endpoint. Because to me, sex is a journey and an art, and it’s during it that we have the most interesting exchanges.
One of those exchanges being, oral sex; going down on someone. I love doing it because it’s one of the few points in a relationship I have with a guy that he completely surrenders himself to me.
His entire pleasure is at my mercy.
There’s something exhilarating about knowing that someone’s experience and pleasure is totally in your control. While guys have so much power historically, economically and institutionally, it’s one of the moments that I, as a woman, have the upper hand. He’s giving himself to me and it’s up to me what I do with him.
It’s a time to shine.
I’ve always been a performer of sorts. I love acting and singing. And going down on someone is just another chance to shine. The body’s a canvas where you’re free to express your feelings for someone physically. Instead of seeing it degrading, as some people do, I see it as another opportunity to make someone else’s wildest dreams come true.
You get to see someone at their most vulnerable.
When two people are getting off at the same time, they’re on equal levels. When you’re the one going down on someone, they’re the ones going through all the emotions and feelings – not you – so you get a glimpse of them at their most vulnerable state; something you’d otherwise not have access to. Contrary to some people's opinions, you're not a slave - it's his pleasure that's your slave.
You get to know what makes someone tick.
It’s not just about going down on someone. It’s about getting to know their body, their style. You’re not limited to the genital region only, since you have your hands to explore other territories; legs, hands, thighs, stomach, chest, etc. You get to know what they respond well to, what they didn’t even know they liked.
It’s one of the most intimate ways of expressing love.
If you think about it literally, the whole act of going down on someone might be kinda gross. The things that come out of there, let’s not even get into it. So the very act of it is an expression of intimacy – that you’re willing to get that close to their junk is pretty significant.
It's not this dirty thing that people make it out to be.
It’s sad that women have been made to feel degraded and dirty through the act of going down on a guy. Whether it’s through the porn industry, or otherwise, the whole idea that it’s the guy benefitting the most from the act should be removed. Unless it's a one-way street and the guy's not returning his share of oral, I really don't think women should feel any shame doing it.
There’s so much more at play than that and so many more ways that the woman actually benefits from it, that should be recognized. So, ladies, all the more power to us for enjoying it.