So you met someone the other day, and he’s pretty cute. He asked you out, and you actually had a great time! The next morning you pick up your phone and send him a cute message, something along the lines of, “I had a lot of fun with you last night.�? The Jeopardy! song might as well be following you around all day, because that’s what it feels like while waiting around for him to answer.
And then the anxiety sets in. You can’t help overthinking, because that’s just how you’d normally react when someone takes forever to respond. But before you delve into the deep dark depths of “what ifs?�? know that he’s probably still sleeping, or he hasn’t checked his phone yet because guys don’t obsess over their phones.
Stage 1: Patiently Waiting
You just sent the text like two minutes ago. Nbd. You ditz around your room, take a shower, and get ready for your day. Everything is wonderful and lovely. After you finish getting dressed and get ready to leave, you check your phone to read his reply.
Nothing. So begins the next phase….
Stage 2: Nervously Waiting
You go along with your day, but you’re a little nervous in the back of your mind. You start to think, What if he didn’t like me? Did my breath smell? What if I’m not his type? Did he give me the wrong number? What did I do to turn him off? What kind of hideous creature am I?
…Which you rationally know are all ridiculous thoughts. But still. It’s not fun waiting, and every time someone else texts you, your hope sinks a little lower.
Stage 3: Angrily Waiting
After you get over the nervous thoughts, you start to get mad. Well screw him, I’m f*cking awesome, he was lucky to have been graced by my presence. Right? I don’t need him anyway; if he doesn’t value my time I don’t value his. I can get so many other guys anyway. All of these other people care about me; I don’t need to wait around for some ass.
But deep down you still kinda care. And then the guilt sets in…
Stage 4: Full-on Anxiety Mode
Your thoughts start racing, and it goes something like this: Wait, why was I being so mean? It’s just a text. Maybe he’s just busy… or maybe something horrible happened!! Oh god what if he got into an accident? Or his phone is broken? Yeah, that’s it, he definitely broke his phone between the time he dropped me off to this morning. Or someone stole his phone! Or someone died. Oh my god what if he’s at a funeral right now and I’m getting all mad at him for no reason. I’m such a mean person.
Stage 5: Concocting Every Possible Reason Why He Hasn’t Answered
Hopefully you start to get a little more realistic about the situation at this point. If not, you continue thinking about all the reasons why he hasn’t answered.
He’s asleep. He’s at work. He’s with his friends. He’s on a boat. He went camping and has no reception. He’s still in his apartment and has no reception. His phone is dead. He lost his charger. A shark ate his charger. He’s at the game. He’s just busy. He doesn’t care to check his phone.
Stage 6: The Come-down
After this several-hour long battle with yourself in your head, you finally let it go. You start to forget about last night and the guy that never texted you back. It’s just not that important to worry about. You go on with your day and stop caring about everything.
Stage 7: Whatever.
If he finally answered: You think, “Oh, cool, he had a good time too. Thank god. I am dateable.�?
If he never answered: You know that he’s a total dick and you will never give him the time of day again. Unless he actually did break/lose his phone. Then it’s sort of acceptable. After all of that, you realize that you’ll seriously never care again about waiting for a silly guy to answer.