Modern day romance be like: I want to be the reason you bleach your asshole.
I hate dating. Mostly because no one seems to understand what dating is supposed to be anymore. Noticed how I said no one? I’m saying that it’s not just the men’s fault - when it comes to modern dating, we all kinda suck.
The problem is that most of us are so used to these awful dating norms that we probably don't remember what real dating actually looks like anymore — and I can’t blame you for that — but here are a few things that should definitely never, ever happen but somehow have creeped into the standards of modern dating:
1. "You wanna chill?” A classic fuckboy line. Wtf is chill? Oh yeah, you mean “let’s hookup.” And no, it’s not because we’re an uptight sugar tits bitch that we don’t want to “chill,” it’s cause you’re a lazy fuckboy that wants to get laid the quickest, with the least amount of effort way possible.
2. The scary dick pic. And I'm sorry but there's no such thing as a scary vagina pic because vaginas are not scary (for the most part). The modern dating world is an awful, awful place where boys go from "aww, you’re so incredible" to “here’s a pic of my dickkk” in literally 2 seconds.
3. “Send me a pic…c’mon...” I call this the guilt trip pic where a fuckboy tries to make you feel like you owe him pics. You don't owe anyone anything and it's kinda sad that this kind of text is pretty standard in today's modern day romance.
4. “Pick you up at your place at 7?” Said no one in the last 10 years. I know this is a shocking concept, but guys used to pick girls up and then go for dinner. I’m sure most men reading this will be all like “Why?” Well, it’s just a nice and gentlemanly thing to do and we really do appreciate it (which should be enough).
5. Dating someone for a while and still having them define your relationship as "we’re just talking.” No, we’re not “just talking.” You cried to me like a little baby and ate my ass out. We’re more together than 90 percent of married people.
Justify it all you want, but just because there isn’t a label doesn’t mean it’s not cheating. Dating for a long time without a label should never happen because when everything falls apart, the person doesn't have to be responsible for your feelings. They can be all, “well, we were never officially together…” Complete bullshit.
6. Having no idea how many other people are in their life. A Fuckgirl’s or Fuckboy’s phone is constantly blowing up with notifications, Snapchats, texts from other people. You ask them how many people they're seeing and they keep it vague as fuck. What happened to respect? It's still there, we just need to use it.
7. Disappearing for days at a time after a date. Trust me, if a woman is genuinely interested, she will love to hear from you the next day. And if they think it’s too much then they’re just chasing the thrill of the game, not the actual person. Little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ are a waste of time and should be stopped immediately.
8. Having zero respect for someone else's relationship. Girl code and guy code should just be embedded in everyone. They say you shouldn’t blame the other woman or man but that’s complete bullshit. Even when you're flirting with a guy or girl who's taken, and the flirtation isn't requited, the sheer act of someone making a pass at your boo is painful and it shouldn't happen.
If you're hitting on someone who is in a relationship, you know exactly what you're doing and should have enough respect for yourself and another human to just, not. If you want the D there are like, a million people out there who are not involved with anyone.
And if you're doing it because you feel you have a big connection with this person - well, sorry to break it to you, but if it was that big they would be with you. Bye Felicia.
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