Yeah, I have sex. Lots of it actually. So when I tell people I don’t actually know what the fuck I’m doing they get a little confused like, “how could someone who has so much sex in their life be that clueless?”
1. We’re very good at getting the deed....
Like our game is very strong. We know how to get the dick. And we love it.
2. But we could use a book Sex for Dummies.
We don’t know positions and what things are called. And we wish someone would just sit down and tell us everything. Mentally we’re prude but physically we’re far from it.
3. We’re kind of afraid to ask…
Everyone expects us to know everything already. But really we’ve just been faking it for much longer than we’d like to admit. And like at this point in time we just gotta run with it and hope for the best.
4. And like google is our best friend…
We’re constantly googling shit like terms and positions. And secretly regret not paying attention in health class. But we also know the best way to learn is from experience.
5. When we get to bed…
We know how to give the perfect blowjob. Missionary. But there’s a world we know we haven’t explored yet and we want to.
6. We love guys who teach us stuff.
Because eventually at our most vulnerable state completely naked between two people we kindly do have to admit we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing. We don’t say that we just kind of let them take the lead and take mental notes.
7. We wake up the next day....
We pray to God we remember having sex because there’s a good chance we might have been too drunk from the night before. But mornings are our favorite.
8. Then send them on their way.
We tap it off with a little morning sex and make sure they GTFO.