When we’re single, the flow of hot dates isn’t always as steady as we might like for it to be. In addition to facing some century-long dry spells down there, there’s also the eons that go by before you even score a first date with someone. But when that time does come around, there are about a million thoughts racing through your mind.
- The first thing you think of when you wake up that morning is your date. Wait, were you just dreaming about it?
- You wonder why you’re bouncing around the room like a frantic bunny but then you remember – tonight’s the night…
- …You don’t even need coffee to get energized.
- You wonder what the fuck people even wear on dates these days. Bringing casual into the occasion really made things more complicated to be honest…
- …What happened to when girls could dress up in long, elegant dresses, smoking long elegant cigarettes and have a handsome chivalrous man take her to dinner? Now the most romantic it gets is meeting up at Starbucks during dinnertime.
- Hmm, does a top showing cleavage make me look like I just want the D? But I do want the D… But the D can’t know that!
- You spend the entire rest of the day looking at the clock every minute…
- …You sort of wish it would speed up, but you also sort of wish it’d just stop so you wouldn’t have to face it.
- You’re so nervous you can’t tell if the flips in your stomach mean you already have butterflies…
- …Or if you’re just have diarrhea.
- Your attention span at work is worse than that of a goldfish with ADHD.
- You can’t even put a single sentence together. You’re like a vampire coming out of its cave of darkness. Ahhh the light.
- You wonder how many other people in the world have first dates that day...
- …There’s got to be at least one other person that’s having the same kinda mental breakdown you are.
- You could literally explode any second…
- …You’re like a ticking time bomb.
- UGhghghgh do I have to go?
- Since when were you even this anxious?
- You thought you were a wreck until the journey there. Suddenly, your legs feel like jello and your lungs just stopped working.
- What are you even gonna do when you get there? Do you give a hug? Do you shake their hand? How do people talk to each other again? What’s human interaction like?
- What if they're a fucking psychopath and they take you home and stab you to death? Hey, it's always a possibility...
- ...And what do you do if there's literally NOTHING to talk about. Just stare at each other for a while? How fun.
- You regret texting a thousand of your closest friends about the date because it means getting flooded with a bunch of “How was it??!?!?!?” texts…
- …You text the whole story to your friends and copy paste each message because there’s no way you got time for that. You’re a person with things to do, people to see, dates to go on. Right?
- And, see, just like that, you’re officially back in the dating game.
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