Friends are nice to each other, but best friends are total assholes to each other.
A friend is not really your best friend until you insult them daily, stalk your crush on social media for information for you, when you know when they got the D just by looking at them, and whenever you catch up for coffee, you end up coming home piss drunk with one shoe on.
Here are 14 slightly dickish stuff that you can only say to your best friend:
- A friend will take your drink when you've had too much. A best friend will say, “Bitch drink up, we don’t waste stuff."
- You: I miss him. Friend: Maybe you should call him. Best Friend: F*ck that asshole. Stab him. I’ll bail you outta jail.
- Also her face, when you tell her you're seeing your ex again, is scary AF.
- Friend: Hey are you okay? Best Friend: Hey you dickhead answer me!
- A best friend will tell you when the guy you’re dating is a f*ckboy.
- And also to stfu when you say you to stfu when you say you “can’t drink tonight."?
- You: So I met this amazing guy at the club when I was drunk and we ended up at his place. Friend: Aww he’s totally going to call you. Best Friend: You didn’t meet an amazing guy. He’s not going to call. You: No you don’t understand we had a connection he will. You (two days later): Never mind.
- True friends are with you throughout all your eyebrow phases….through the thick and thin. But she'll always tell you when your eyebrows are not on point and you need to redo them.
- You: How do I look? Friend: Ommgg amazing, perfect! Best Friend: Wtf is wrong with your eyeliner wing? You look like Morticia Addams. Fix that shit, I'll do it for you.
- You: I like this boy. Friend: You should wait to sleep with him, take your time. Best Friend: Suck his dick.
- She’ll also never let you self-deprecate. She’ll tell you when you're being a whiny bitch, need to shut the hell up, and move on.
- Friend advice: Aww don’t worry he forgot to text you back because he was really busy. BFF advice: If he forgets to text you back then you forget how to give him head and if he forgets to call you back then you forget his number.
- Friend: He loves you, so what if you’re not official, he’s just in a very difficult time in his life. Best Friend: No. Look at his actions. He’s not making it official because he doesn’t want to commit to you and be responsible for your feelings, he’s using you. Dump him.
- Your best friend looking at a pic of your exboyfriend’s new bae: She’s basic. She’s a basic hobbit troll, they're perfect for each other. You're beautiful, though. You're a goddess. He's the dirt underneath your shoe and he lost the best thing he will ever have. We're going to find you someone a million times better. With a bigger dick.
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