Just like sex, getting drunk is never the same twice.
With your wifey, though, you two have mastered the art of getting drunk together, and both of you already know exactly what to expect. There is an inevitable chain of events with specific stages of getting drunk that you two know all about:
1. The Closet Raiding
Your best friend comes over before the pregame starts. She brought 4 tops, 2 dresses, and 3 pairs of shoes, but she’s complaining, I have nooooothing to wear. The raiding of your closet begins until you two have sufficiently exhausted the options and she’s looking fly as hell.
2. The First Drink
Friends show up and the music and drinks begin to flow. Everyone’s makeup and hair are perfectly in place, and your eyes are still bright, and white, and open. Now is the time to take pictures but you’re too busy pouring shots for all the girls.
3. Gathering the Troops
It’s 12:30am and you were supposed to be at the bar at 11pm. By this time everyone is definitely drunk enough to show up and be the life of the party.
4. THIS IS MA JAM.
You guys finally get to the bar, A-line it straight to the dance floor, and bust a move to your favorite song. Your dance moves have definitely reached the level of DA-runk.
Selfies in the bar, outside of the bar, on top of the bar. Selfies on the dance floor, in the bathroom, and with the complete rando standing next to you waiting for a drink. Morning recaps on pics are always fun.
6. The Bathroom Heart to Heart
There’s a line out the door for the toilet and you and your bestie are locked in the bathroom confessing your deep, deep love for one another. Nothing can ever break your bond - your incredibly strong respect for each other. I love you sooo much. You’re, like, the only person in the world who gets me.
7. Last Call for Alcohol
You’re basically closing the bar, trying to work your flirty magic on wooing the bartending into staying open just for you. You just want one last beer… one last shot… no, one last mixed drink. Okay, fine. I’ll take one of each.
8. Drunk Munchies
Food. Need. Food. Now. The options are endless but all you want is pizza. Pizza in and around your mouth. You approach some guy on the street and ask if you can have a bite of his slice. He says no. Rude.
9. The Scavenger Hunt
You and your bestie are on a mission to find food. Random shit happens along the way that you can’t explain, and it’s probably best kept that way. When you finally get the cheesy heaven into your tummy, it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you.
10. Snuggle Hour
Somehow, someway, you two managed to make it back to the right building, right apartment, right room, and right bed. Winning.
You two snuggle up together and if you’re coherent enough, you have some bestie, wifey pillow talk. Although, chances are you two are so drunk that you just pass the fuck out.
Good luck tomorrow.