"I'm going to be single forever," is something everyone hears me say all the time.
I don't say it because I want your pity or because I've actually accepted defeat. I haven't prepared myself for a loveless life filled with cats and Golden Girls reruns. I say it because...
I know, deep down, I'm single by choice, whether I want to believe it or not.
It's true, and I happily sing my single song all the time-- metaphorically speaking that is. Like when I buy one bottle of wine and don't worry that it's not enough for two people, and when I buy the kind I like because I don't have to worry about someone else's preference. Pinot Grigio for life!
Or when the guy who is talking to me at the bar, seems nice, but I'm trying to find things wrong with him. The idea of seeing him outside of a bar setting, possibly dating him, and possibly seeing him sitting on my sofa taking up space whenI keep hinting he should go home, is an AWFUL scenario.
I like the freedom of being single. I don't succumb to the notion that my twenties are about finding a husband.
My twenties are about finding myself, and sometimes that means looking in the wrong places, like the bottom of a shot glass or a stranger's mouth, but hey I'm growing. My twenties are also about being on my own, learning to do things alone, providing for myself and being able to spend time with myself.
I want kids, I want a grandiose wedding. I want a tall guy with great hair who laughs at my jokes just like all my romance-obsessed friends, but I'm not in a hurry. I just don't want it right now.
I want late nights filled with 2 a.m. pizza, laughing so hard I can't breathe, and dancing like everyone's watching, because if everyone's watching it means you're doing a great job.
I don't want relationship stability. I want single stability. Once I feel like my life is working on my own, and my fun nights could be ever more fun with a partner, then I will start looking. Then, I will stop giving fake phone numbers to guys who are not creepy or at least have jobs.
My biggest concern is what I'm going to do with my life, and my smallest concern is what I'm going to wear Saturday night. That's how I like it.
If you feel like you can't find any men who fit into your life, it's possible you're not ready for them yet. So, do what you need to do, kiss who you need to kiss, and fall in love with strangers every single day. Your life should feel exciting, and you should always have things to look forward to, and one day that will be a relationship.
For now, you have the freedom to do whatever the hell you want. Don't take it for granted.