Eric Hoffer once wrote: “A man is likely to mind his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off his own meaningless affairs by minding other people’s business."
I recently read "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counter-intuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" and this is what I learned from this life changing book.
When most people envision giving no fucks what so ever, they envision a kind of perfect and serene indifference to everything, a calm that weathers all storms.
This is so not true. There’s absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and spineless. They’re couch potatoes and internet trolls.
In fact, 'indifferent people' often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks.
They are afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they make none.
They hide in a gray emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed and self-pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life.
Not giving a fuck doesn’t mean being indifferent, it means being comfortable with being different.
Improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to better stomach lemons. Human beings are flawed and limited—as Mark Manson writes, “Not everybody can be extraordinary—there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault.”
Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. This, he says, is the real source of empowerment.
Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties—once we stop running from and avoiding, and start confronting painful truths—we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek.
When we’re young, we have tons of energy. Everything is new and exciting. And everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of fucks.
We give a fuck about everything and everyone — about what people are saying about us, about whether that good-looking dude called us back or not, about whether our socks match or not or what color our birthday balloon is.
As we get older, we gain experience and begin to notice that most of these things have little lasting impact on our lives.
Those people’s opinions we cared about so much before have long been removed from our lives. We’ve found the love we need and so those embarrassing romantic rejections feel superficial.
Essentially, we become more selective about the fucks we’re willing to give.
This is something called ‘maturity.’ It’s nice, you should try it sometime.
So I’ll leave you with this quote and maybe it’ll change you the way it changed me…
Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.
Pain is an inextricable thread in the fabric of life, and to tear it out is not only impossible but destructive: attempting to tear it out unravels everything else with it. To try to avoid pain is to give too many fucks about pain. In contrast, if you’re able to not give a fuck about the pain, you become unstoppable." – Mark Manson”