After our tragic love story ended, I had no idea how I was going to get over it. I was devastated. Now, here I am. All this time has passed, and I have moved on with my life.
I have achieved new goals, created new dreams, and explored new relationships. I have overcome so much, and yet, a piece of me still feels like it's missing.
Before you get the wrong idea, that piece is not you. But what I am coming to realize is that I poured so much of myself into you.
So much love, so much dedication, so much faith, so much hope. And when I was forced to move on, I couldn't simply take back every piece of myself that I had given you.
These things can't simply be thrown in a bag with the rest of the stuff I left at your house. They cannot be deleted like the hundreds of text messages and pictures that were on my phone. No, these things have now become a part of you.
When leaving you in the past, I had to leave every bit of energy I invested in you, too. Now, to this day, I still feel broken. I still obsess over small insecurities, I still second guess myself constantly. Something I never did before my heart had been shattered.
I can certainly say that I am over you. I do not want you back, I do not miss you at all, I still have this deep sadness lingering inside of me.
A sadness for every tear I shed for you. A sadness for the fact that I allowed myself to become so broken, so damaged.
A sadness that lingers because I long to be that same girl I was the first day that you met me. That girl was strong and independent. She was fierce and assertive. She was confident. She was fearless.
It hurts me the most because these were all characteristics of myself that you didn't take from me, I willingly gave them away, never knowing that if things went south, I wouldn't be able to take them with me.
And yet, after everything, you never cared much to apologize. I waited around for those two beautiful words to come out of your mouth; day to day, week to week, month to month. It nearly killed me.
But I have finally reached the point that my friends told me I would. I have come to realize that even though you are the one who left me in ruins, the only person who can fix that is me.
So as of today, I am ready to let go. I am ready to break free from these chains of insecurity and negative feelings towards myself that were created the day that we parted ways.
I am ready to focus not on becoming the person I was when I met you, but to become better. To become healthier, happier, stronger.
Because if there's one thing that I've learned about pain, it's that it changes you; and it doesn't always have to be for the worst.
And even though I never got that apology from you that I thought I needed...
I forgive you anyway.
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