Do you feel powerful now? Strong? Has your masculinity raised to some significant status now that you threatened me?
Let's backtrack for a second and walk down memory lane with each other. Let's look at the good old days when we were friends and laughed together. We didn't care about much and just appreciated that at the time, we had each other.
You were my friend. You were my person to listen to me, to nerd out about the same things with. And when you wanted more and I couldn't give that to you, you waited. You didn't want to be like everyone else.
(News flash, you turned out worse.)
You read my articles about being hurt, about the damage the world had put on me; You listened to my fears and knew that I needed time. You can't sit here and say that I wasn't trying.
Trying wasn't enough for you. You always wanted more, and you knew that I would never be able to give it to you. You became lost in your selfishness and pressed on, and out of vulnerability I tried giving you what you always wanted.
We knew it wouldn't work out, and I knew that no matter path I chose, I was going to lose a friend. I have always struggled to find a purpose and happiness- I needed a friend, not more complexity.
So I ended whatever it was that we were. I knew that I had to stop pretending, stop settling for what I thought I deserved, and I needed to just open myself back up to the world instead of continuing to hide from it.
I wasn't looking for anything; I just finally stopped closing the door to life. And for the first time, something beautiful and wonderful walked through the doorway. In my forgiveness to life, life forgave me.
I'm in a beautiful relationship, one that I hadn't been ready for until I forgave the hardships of life. My school work is on top of the world and my friendships are healthier than they've ever been. In your bitterness, you tried taking that away from me.
You watched me fight life, and in that you desired me. You now watch me laugh every day, letting anger grow inside you because of that. You weren't my savior like you dreamed of being, and you hate me for that.
You justify your anger by telling yourself I lied to you, betrayed you, deceived you- We both know I was nothing but honest every day because honesty was the only think I could give you.
I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you had to threaten my happiness, threaten my reputation, threaten my property. I feel sorry that you believed you had to try to take away the one thing I've always wanted just so you could feel better about yourself.
I feel sorry that you pride yourself in being this fair, diverse, accepting individual, yet you threatened my sexuality and my trust in you.
But thank you. Thank you for the time I had to be your friend, and the happiness you showed me. And thank you for proving that you don't deserve a special place in my life no matter the role because your true colors are ugly and I pity you for that.
I hope you heal, and I hope you too find the reasons we weren't meant for each other, even as friends. Thank you, but no thank you. I hope to never see you around.
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