I told myself I wouldn’t think about you today, but the moment I said that, the battle was already lost.
I knew I would spend my whole day imagining what you were doing, remembering what we had, and hoping- despite my better judgment- that you were also missing and thinking of me.
Our love story is the kind that leaves painful scars for rest of my life.
We met, we hit it off, and you genuinely wanted to be with me. You played no games, wanted no distractions, offered your life and your time to me in every way a sincere person could.
And I got scared, maybe, or I lost interest in you because you were suddenly so available. Either way, I left. I broke your heart.
And, as it often happens, I realized that I was wrong just a few weeks too late to do anything about it.
Suddenly my life had a gaping black hole in it. I tried to blame it on anything other than you.
But the truth is, I missed you. I still miss you.
I realized that you were wonderful and so kind, and filled my life with a hopeful stability that I’d never experienced before- and I pushed you away.
Now, I have lost you forever.
I tortured myself over you. I had many sleepless nights blaming myself. Why can't I just fall in love, like normal people do?
Why do I have to make love and relationships so difficult and painful?
I know you weren’t interested in playing my childish games, because you were an adult. You wanted something real, and I couldn’t give it to you.
So happy Valentine’s Day, and I hope this day is real for you. I hope you have someone to spend it with you who loves and cares about you.
Most importantly, I hope she doesn’t have some allergic reaction to "things going well" like I do.
You deserve to celebrate this holiday with all joy that it demands.
This holiday is for people who take care of each other and who find joy in one another.
I hope to be like you someday. I want to be as compassionate and thoughtful as you are.
One day I would like to enjoy this holiday. One day I would like to be in love and accept it unconditionally; the way I was never able to with you.