“No matter how toxic your parents might be, you still have a need to deify them. Even if you understand, on one level that your father was wrong to beat you, you may still believe he was justified. Intellectual understanding is not enough to convince your emotions you were responsible.” - Susan Forward
A parent is supposed to provide you with infinite love and peace. They’re the ones that should assist your process of creating a strong emotional foundation in order to navigate the world. By holding you, unconditionally caring for you and teaching you the ropes with love. But when your parent lacks the basic understanding of unconditional love and only provides the complete opposite, the emotional neglect and toxicity that they bring into your life cuts your soul in half.
A toxic parent inflicts a different kind of pain though, it’s the type of pain that sort of sets up camp in your heart and forever lurks beneath the surface. Almost every child that has to bare with their toxic parent struggles when they realize that their destructive presence is no longer tolerable and cutting ties with them seems like the only chance at having the life they deserve.
But detaching yourself from a toxic parent is everything but uncomplicated and painless, it comes with rooted layers of emotions that are way too hard to peel off your very being. You feel a great sense of guilt, shame and regret because after all, they are your parent, and even if they don’t love you as they should, the natural bond that exists between parent and child is real to you. It’s extremely hard to negotiate freedom with your big heart because deep down you love them, and you want, more than anything, for them to love you too. So it’s devastating having to come to terms with a reality you wish wasn’t yours. It’s a loss you know you’ll never be truly able to get over but you know that at this point, the pain of losing yourself is greater than the pain of cutting ties with your loved one.
You ruminate the idea of how you’re going to break free from the toxic prison you’ve gotten so accustomed to. You can’t quite understand why it’s so hard to just get up and leave, stop communicating and allow them to continue trapping you in their misery. You’re psychologically and emotionally tied to the idea that perhaps they’ll change. Because you deeply crave the love that you deserve and you can’t let go of hope, so you end up feeling like the true definition of stockholm syndrome.
But there’s a light in your heart that wants to stand up for you, it’s stronger than your fear, your pain, your shame. It’s the part of you that wants to reclaim your soul. It’s the enough is enough whispering at your ear when you try to resist your toxic parent using every psychological weapon they have to bring you down and try weakening your rational.
You want to break free and you must break free, so you find the strength to reconcile with the violence that has been inflicted in you, so you can once and for all exorcise your toxic parent out of your life. The truth is, it doesn’t matter how much you
love them, they’re damaged beyond repair and it’s ok to eliminate their abuse from your life. You’re not responsible for their wrong doings and it’s not your fault they were not able to provide you with the love that you needed and deserve. Move on and own your right to be loved and respected.
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