I'm a smart, strong and independent girl, so I never imagined myself being tangled in a web of deception like the one that he weaved. He manipulated everything in my world. He deceptively took over every aspect of my life turning me into someone who I no longer recognized.
I didn't think much of him at fist but somehow he spun that around and I found myself blindly falling for him. He's charming to say the least, but underneath that charm, at the very core of his being, you'll only find a cold-hearted guy who only cares about fulfilling his needs even if it means breaking you in the process.
I can't understand why he is who he is and does what he does. He is a special kind of evil. The kind of evil that sneaks up on your heart and turns you into a lifeless, pathetic, sad soul. His effect on me truly ruined me to the core.
I will never know how he conned me into believing that he was someone I had to love regardless of the shitty way that he treated. I gave him my heart. Why? Why did I love him? What did he ever do for me? In what way could him and I ever have had a productive life? The truth is, I was brainwashed by his lies, his deceit, charm, and cunning ways of convincing me to love him and hate myself.
I blame myself first and foremost. I saw it from a mile away. Everyone saw it. I was still stupid enough to pursue him. I knew what I was doing. I knew when he was using me. I knew when he was cheating on me. I chose to look away and for that I'm the one to blame.
I have to own up to my stupid mistake, but it still hurts to have betrayed myself like that.
He has tortured me and destroyed me beyond repair but he still haunts my dreams and thoughts. He is on my mind often and I don't know why I allow it. Why do I still seek the comfort of his embrace? Why can't I move on?
I wish I had the answers but I don't and I have to continue living with the aftermath of how he completely wrecked my life. It feels as if I'm still under his spell and I know it will take some time before I'm able to completely rid myself of the intoxicating effect he had in my heart.
I've never met a person who is so vindictive, and ye has this pull on me. He knows what to say to completely cripple me and at the same time pull me back in. Enough is enough, though. I need to be strong. I need to realize my worth. I need to find the strength to pull him away from my heart completely.