You were the one that was there for me. You were the one I called about everything that happened... hell I called you when nothing happened.
I could spend day after day with you and I never got sick and tired of you. We were my best friend, my sister. You were my soulmate, you came before any guy ever could in my life. So how could we have been friends all that time, and what seemed like overnight, we were strangers.
I looked at you and had no idea who you were anymore. I see you now and see the shell of my old best friend, but I don't know you. I'll never know you the same ever again, even if by some chance we tried to heal this giant crack in our dead relationship. I wonder if we ever could be friends at all ever again after everything we went through.
I apologized to you and figured I messed up too, I wasn't picture perfect in the hard patch we were going through, but you smiled at me and used it to bad mouth me when I turned I my back. So I stopped talking, to everyone. Anyone we knew, I stopped talking too. I didn't want to hear what you were doing or saying, I didn't want to hear about how your life is apparently so perfect without me in it, when I miss you so much.
I figured after all the time that has passed, it would get easier, but it hasn't. All I have ever wanted to know is, do you miss me like I miss you? Do you think about all of the shit we did together and relied on each other for? Was our friendship the same to you as it was to me?
I will never know how you can go from being my Number One to being the person who was hurting me.
Even though our friendship didn't last and it breaks my heart every day, I'm really thankful it happened. You taught me how to be selfless- I learned how to be a friend to someone when they didn't have one. You left me without a person to lean on and didn't give a shit.
I learned more than ever how important secrets are, and how to keep them. I learned that not all attention is good attention, and I learned how to know when someone valued me or what using me.
You've scarred me deeply and I miss you regardless of all of that. I still miss our late night cuddles, ice cream trips and constant laughter that we grew up with.
But I guess after everything has been said and done, you've taught me what a real best friend is, and isn't.
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