There are a million reasons a guy can find to break up with a girl, from being clingy and needy to never quite being enough for him. But what happens when you’re actually none of those things and he still dumps you? First, you’ll probably go on a weekend bender and turn your favorite bar into rebound central; dancing on tables with your girls and taking too many shots of tequila. But after that, you’ll most likely drive yourself crazy wondering where you went wrong and why he left you high and dry. Well, science says there’s one thing you could’ve been doing subconsciously that was the ultimate sign he was bound to break up with you.
It’s inevitable that when you fall in love with someone and he becomes such a huge part of your life, the fear will set in that one day you might lose him. Life works in shitty ways and one morning he might wake up and not feel the same way he did about you the day before, it happens. And as scary as that thought may be, you’re only hurting yourself by obsessing over it.
On Science Daily, a new study shows that a fear of getting dumped can actually be the leading reason you were in fact, dumped. You know the saying, “plant the seed and see what grows?” That’s exactly what these scientists tested. The scientists asked a number of couples to tell them about their relationships, how committed they were, where they saw it going, etc. Then fed one partner false information from their significant other, confirming their biggest fear was coming true.
They manipulated one participant of each couple into thinking the chances that their relationship would last were slim to none, instilling fear and angst in them. The scientists capitalized on the vulnerability many of us keep guarded. We all fear being hurt and left in the dust by the ones we love most and by making that fear a reality for the participants, the results were jarring.
This little seed of insecurity the scientists planted suddenly grew so intense that it killed the romance and intimacy between the couples. The fear of losing the one they’ve loved for so long took over and “reduced the intensity of their positive feelings towards the romantic partner," making it the ultimate sign they’re bound to break up.
At some point in our lives, we’re sure to experience some type of relationship anxiety, but when it starts to color how you see the your other half, you need to snap yourself out of it before it’s too late. No one blames you for loving him so thoroughly that you fear losing him, it’s just a sign that you have a big heart. But you shouldn’t sabotage a relationship in fear of getting hurt. You should appreciate the time you have with him and live it up as much as you can.
Guys are unique beings and their brains work very differently than girls. Most guys can’t comprehend the number of different emotions that flow through a girl on daily basis. Even the thoughts that run through a girl’s mind in one day are more complex and sweeping than those of most guys.
So of course, you think about what it would feel like to lose him, how you’d be forced to get back out there, how much you’d miss him. But the thing is, he’s probably not thinking like that… at all. Most guys live in the moment, the most “future thinking” they do is to know when the next Madden game is released. So, while your boyfriend loves you and wants to be with you, if he doesn’t see a reason in front of his face that would make him lose you, it won’t cross his mind.
Most guys also handle stress very differently, so if you’re getting on his case about how scared you are that you’ll break up, sorry but he’s bound to break up with you because of it. While girls can give chance after chance, most guys are runners. They’ll dip out of that relationship faster than you can say ‘fuck boy.’
And the thing is, you might not even realize you have a fear of breaking up because the signs are different for everyone. For some it might be constantly stalking his social media looking for a reason he could be flirting with another girl. For others, it’s as subtle as telling yourself you won’t find someone else if you were forced to date again. But the moment you find yourself falling into the trap of your insecurities, take a deep breath and assure yourself it’s going to be okay.
Of course, it’s okay to need reassurance every once in a while, everyone does, but the best thing you can do is talk to him about it without freaking him out. Because without even realizing it, when you’re drowning in your own fears you’re sending him signals of this uneasiness and stress. And believe me, he feels it.
So next time you feel yourself getting anxiety about the possibility of him walking away one day, take a step back. Don’t lose him over the idea of losing him.
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