All my life, everyone I've loved has left. Everyone I've started to love has left. Everyone I thought had the potential to eventually earn my love...has left.
It's been like this for as long as I can remember, starting with my own father. He left the mere idea of me. He left before I was even brought into this world. He never even gave me a chance.
He just left. And so did everyone that followed.
I spent years of my life with someone and gave them every bit of myself. I did everything I was capable of doing to make him happy. I went above and beyond to make him not want to leave. It wasn't enough. He left.
I've felt inadequate within every relationship I've made an attempt at. I'm paranoid. I'm constantly convinced that I'm doing something wrong. I don't ever feel good enough.
This doesn't just go for romantic relationships, this goes for friendships as well. I give up on them before they really even begin because I expect everyone to leave.
It's been painfully burned into me to never expect anyone to stay.
But with you...it's different. It's terrifying, really. I don't expect you to leave. I don't feel inadequate. Any normal person would wonder how exactly that's terrifying...
Because it's so incredibly different from anything I've ever felt. Because it feels too good to be true. Because you've come along and made me question everything I've ever known.
You've taken all of the insecurities that have been so brutally carved into my being and intricately turned them into beautiful pieces of confidence and trust.
You've taken my expectations and completely flipped them upside down.
You've seen my flaws, my imperfections, my paranoia. You've seen every undesirable bit of me that exists, and you haven't left.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for showing me that not everyone leaves.
Thank you for being the one that chose to stay.
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