I feel like I have spent my whole life searching for things that make me happy. Is it People? Places? Is it a life goal, a dream, desire, hope? Will I find happiness in alcohol, drugs, psychedelics? Sometimes, I even began to wonder if I left my ability to be happy under my bed, or in some store and forgot to take it with me.
I wish it was as easy as looking under my bed, but it isn't. Being happy isn't as black and white as I hoped it to be either, I found that a lot of the time, I was settling in some kind of gray area in between pure happiness and sadness, and that is where I found myself so content.
These are my tips to you, in case you find yourself stuck in a world that doesn't seem very happy.
Okay, so obviously crying isn't a very happy, overly-exciting thing, but golly gee it helps. A lot. Holding in our feelings, desires, worries-whatever they are will only hurt us. We are all imperfect, so don't waste time trying to be perfect. If the ocean is pushing on the back of your eyes, let the ocean pour. It's okay to not be okay.
Cry, be a snotty mess, understand and confront whatever it is, and let it go. I promise once you do that, it will be a lot easier to stand up and continue walking through your life without that weight.
It took me a really long time to realize that I wasn't choosing myself. It took me even longer to understand that choosing myself sometimes, doesn't make me selfish. It seems like we spend a lot of our time helping others, putting them first, doing things they want, that we forget about the things we need too.
Skip going out, skip the gym, skip whatever it is you need too and have a date with yourself. Take a bubble bath, or lay in bed with cookies and binge watch that super good drama on Netflix. Our souls need a little bit of attention sometimes too.
With Someone Who Makes You Happy
I thought I needed a boyfriend to be happy, or I always had to be with my bff to validate that I was a good person. Why wasn't my own opinion about myself important? Well it is. Make sure the things you find yourself doing, you actually enjoy.
Be kind when others aren't, be helpful when someone is struggling, and sometimes we even have to fake it until we make it. Sometimes, we aren't happy and don't want to be... but if you smile long enough or choose things you enjoy throughout a bad day, eventually it won't be that hard to pretend anymore.
You don't need someone in your life to validate you're a good person because at the end of the day it is you against yourself. You are your biggest critic and your own best friend. Reflect on the things you do, and ask yourself "Am I someone I'd want in my own life, that would make me happy?"
You'd be surprised what you'd find out when you ask yourself that question.
7. Talk it Out
I live with my best friend in the whole entire world. I'm a lucky, lucky person for that, but not everyone does. Guess what? You have a device in your pocket or on your counter that makes your best friend only a few clicks away. So open a message, and start typing. Start calling.
Scream, whisper, do what you have too.Open your mouth and express yourself.
6. Sweat it Out
Sometimes we don't have words when we need them. Sometimes we discover that silence is the only thing that is keeping us calm. If that is the case, go sweat it out. Run until you're dying, punch a punching bag until your arms are jello, walk through the woods until you're in a whole other world.
Whatever it is, get up and move. exercise your body, exercise your mind, and release whatever negativity there is.
5. Feed the Soul
I love salads. Not for healthy reasons at all- I love chicken, I love berries, and I REALLY love all the unhealthy toppings like caesar dressing and cheese. But sometimes when I'm having a rough day, or a hard time loving myself, I need food for the soul and not for my body.
Order that pizza and cheesy bread. Bake cookies (or just eat all the cookie dough). Whatever your weakness is, take one for the team and submit to the greatness of fatty, unhealthy food that your soul just absolutely loves.
Personally I like to think that digging through a whole pint of ice cream will allow me to discover the answer to my problems, but usually i just makes them a little more bearable.
4. Be Kind
You will never hate yourself for being kind, I promise. It's easy to hate others when you're kind to them and they screw you over, but that doesn't reflect you. I whole-heartedly believe in Karma, and what goes around comes around. Be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and you'd be surprised how others react when you're kind to the people that don't deserve it.
3. Embrace the Inner Child of Your Being
Don't roll your eyes, you know you're inner child is in there. So embrace it. On the days or in the moments we struggle the most to smile or be happy, sometimes it's because we have spent so much time being too serious.
Be goofy, doodle little drawings, shake your butt and dance around, blare your music and jump on your bed. Hey, make an immature joke, they're funny sometimes.
Do what you have to do, to let the inner you take a deep breath, and smile.
I think the last two values are the hardest to accept. How can we be patient when it feels like the end of the world? When our lives are doomed, how can we sit down and stay calm?
You can, I promise. Even with that tearing feeling in your chest, you can still be patient. Accept the chaos around you even if you're unsure it accepts you. Time will pass and you will succeed in all the things you were meant too.
1. Forget "Perfect"
You will never be perfect, shocker, I know. So stop trying to be. Sometimes the best things in life happen to us in the most imperfect ways. The more time we spend worrying about all the could go wrong, all the isn't right, all that is "supposed to be", the less time we have to enjoy our lives and surroundings.
Forget about being perfect, and forgive the people in your life who aren't either. People are going to wrong you, hurt you, betray you, but you're going to have to forgive that. Forgive the deed, accept reality, and let it go.
The more you let go, the more you have to accept and cherish in your life. Being happy can be really hard sometimes, but being happy can also be one of the easiest things you do.
Some days are easier than others, But I promise you if you stick by even a few of these, you'd be surprised about how happy you can actually be.