I miss you. It's weird to say that, especially when you aren't physically that far away. I mean truly you are only a phone call away, only roads separate us.
But if that were true, why would I miss you? Truth is, we are so far apart in every other way except physically.
We haven't been us in a long time. We don't talk and laugh the way we did when I was a child. The love we all shared isn't there anymore.
Somewhere along the road, we started breaking. Some of us individually, but also as a whole.
Life is hard. Things happen and people break. We all hit rock bottom at some point.
It's the way you deal with these hardships that determine how broken we will stay.
I guess we didn't know how to deal with the pain and brokenness that surrounded us. We always just slid everything under the rug and waited to deal with it another day and once that day came, no one knew how to deal with it.
So we broke.
When I hit rock bottom and I needed my family, but I was alone. I felt like I had to face every hardship by myself, and it was too much for me.
As I slowly fell apart, you didn't know how to help me or deal with what was happening. So you let me sink further and further down.
I've been taking care of myself for a while now and learning how to get back up all on my own.
By the time I got away, I wasn't the only one sinking. We all were. But none of us knew how to be each other's liferafts.
So here we are. Broken.
Everyone picks sides. All you do is fight and belittle each other. Your house is filled with whispers behind closed doors.
I had to leave, and I hope you all know why. And even though I know I needed to leave for my own health and happiness, I still miss you. Some days, when the world seems all too much to hold, I wish I could come running home.
I wish I could be comforted with a phone call. If I could only fall back on you guys, as the support system I once hoped you would always be.
But I can't. We aren't the family we once were. We are broken now.
My biggest hope is that one day you start putting the pieces back together. Find the love that we lost. If you do, I'll be the first one to run home with open arms. But until then, I'll keep living my life and you can keep living yours.
I'll always hold onto the memories of what we once were and could have been. I'll always love you all.
I'll always miss you.
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