He was nothing but bad news. It was hard to figure that out at first. In fact, it took a lot longer than I ever imagined because we had been through so much. We've given each other all the best parts of ourselves. I thought that my heart was sure of what we had.
But of course, sometimes when we are so sure that something will work out, it only ever fails. So I held on for as long as I could and my heart would allow it. I tried to make sure that I would be ready if he decided to come back.
I worked on myself. I owned when I was wrong. I said sorry more times than anyone ever really should. Probably, because I thought that it would make him want to love me again.
In the end, when it all comes down to it, that's all I was ever really asking him. Just to love me back. Just to love me like he did before.
Time changes us all though. Maybe I was too much for him to love. Maybe he never had any intention of coming back. Leading me on was easy for him, so he could have just taken the easy way out.
Finally, after all this time, I'm forgetting him. It may have taken a little while. I may have tried before with little success. But I feel different now, there's a heaviness that isn't there anymore. The same one that would always remind me of him. That would tell me time and time again that I shouldn't give up. That I should wait just a little longer.
Because he would come back and we would love each other the way that we did when it first began. But that's all over now.
I'm not waiting for us to have a happy ending, because I know that's no longer possible for us. There is no happy ending when one person is breaking and the other is looking to move on.
When I tell him that it's finally over for me, I mean it. I know that at some point he's going to try and come back again, because that's what he always does. He was never good with timing. And he's just going to be too late now.
I might have taken him back before, but this time I'm walking away for good. And it feels good to detach myself from the mess that we were. And I'm never going to look back. Not now, and not ever.
Losing him was hard. But Letting him break my heart time and time again, was harder. Honestly, I don't even know how I ever believed that he was good for me but I'm glad I was strong enough to walk away.
I don't blame him anymore. I don't hate him. I don't miss him or think about him from time to time. He's a ghost now. A memory that has played itself out in the back of my mind.
Now that I know how sweet goodbyes can be, how important they really are, he's never going to get anything from me. Not anymore.
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