No matter how much time you spend with one another, we will always be two separate people with two sovereign minds.
If our partner doesn’t see things the same way we do, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not in love with us.
It just means that we are two people who observe the world from different perspectives.The more we accept this reality, the more comfortable we can feel in accepting that we won’t agree on everything.
By being honest with each other, we can know and accept each other for who we actually are, not who we want each other to be.
In this scenario, neither one of us has to pretend to be someone else or try to fit an image or expectation. We can support each other for the things that make us who we are as individuals, that light us up and give our lives meaning.
The willingness to be truthful, even when it’s uncomfortable, helps establish trust in each other and the relationship.
An open exchange, no matter how hard it may feel, really does set us free; we can accept that we are two individuals who choose to be together despite our differences.
Most important, when we make this choice, we can rest assured that it’s because we really love each other and not just because we are drawn to the fantasy of being together.
We can handle pretty much anything, as long as we are willing to live in reality and face the truths that exist.
Honesty in relationships makes us feel secure, because we know where we stand. When we are honest with ourselves and our partner, we can experience the joy and excitement of living in a real relationship, in which we are being chosen for who we are.
Not everything we feel in a relationship will be warm and fuzzy. Yet being honest and direct with someone we love doesn’t mean we have to be hurtful or cruel.
Sharing life with someone, we are bound to notice some of their negative tendencies and defenses that get in the way of our feelings of closeness and attraction.
When we aren’t open with our partner about what we feel and observe, we may grow cynical or start building a case against them that actually distorts and exaggerates their flaws.
Instead of being overly critical or attacking angrily, we should aim to be vulnerable with our partner in exposing what we think and feel. We can say things like,
“I miss you when you work all the time," or, "I feel less attracted to you when you act tough or not give me a pass for my emotional outburst".
These honest, direct statements may feel uncomfortable at times, but they come from a place of vulnerability and openness that can actually lead to more closeness and intimacy.
Believe me, when I say this that I am still learning this even at my age. But I am thankful that life has given me experiences and people that have opened my eyes to be a better partner.
I feel, no body is a good partner inherently, we are not given diplomas and gold medals to be a loving partner in a relationship. We have to learn this on the job.
And sometimes, this learning can become challenging if the other person has a very different personality.
As my very good Engineer friend tells me " Relationship is like writing a code, First you'll discover 99 small bugs. Fix few bugs and runt it again. Now 117 new bugs are found. But the key here is fixing it. " :)