Just like any girl, I’ve always dreamed of my great love. I’ve waited with anticipation to find a dude who’ll make me swoon—but after many long and lonely years, he hasn’t shown up yet.
I'm honestly getting pretty sick and tired of waiting. So tired, in fact, that I am almost willing to swear off men and marry something even better than anything else in my life: Coffee.
Coffee’s always there for me. It doesn’t leave. It definitely doesn’t talk back. Yeah, sometimes it burns my tongue and costs too much, but I was very aware of those complications coming into this relationship.
I have yet to meet a guy that is consistent every day the way my morning cup of joe is. My coffee cup catches every tear those little boys run from. It literally is my life in a way I don’t know if a person can be.
Coffee is there for every date I plan and is committed to me as long as I’m committed to it. We’re addicted to each other like a drug, but in a semi-healthy way that makes me feel safe.
Where the hell are all the decent guys that make me feel this way? Huh? How come a human being has not yet been able to sweep me off my feet but an inanimate beverage has made my heart swoon in unimaginable ways?
How the hell has modern dating made me turn to consider falling in love with a drink? We need to figure our shit out. I know this is foul language, but it’s the truth. I’m ready to run to city hall and marry my Starbucks usual the way that crazy lady married the Eiffel Tower. Something is wrong.
Boys, step up. Be there. Be consistent. If not, I’m over you and I’ll seriously move on to a relationship with my favorite mug.
Just a fair warning.