I think it was just a matter of time before I fell for him. There was no way I could avoid having those kinds of feelings for him after everything than we’ve gone through together.
He is my rock and the absolute best person I know. He never has let me down even though I never gave him a reason to stay. But he always stayed.
But in his mind, we moved on a long time ago from ever developing a romantic connection. He doesn’t see me that way anymore and he probably never will again.
I’ve given him every reason to stay in the friend zone and he gave up on loving me that way. I made sure he did, and I regret it so much now.
I can’t help myself, though. But I wish I could. I should have never let my heart become vulnerable again. Only bad things come from letting my guard down.
I had to ruin every possible chance we had just like I ruin all good things. He knows that I crave him and I absolutely adore him and there’s no turning back now that he knows what really goes on in my mind.
Now that he knows I don’t want to be just best friends he’s pulling away. Now he’s just uncomfortable because I fucked up and I wish I could just control my heart and what it feels just for once.
I should have never opened up like that. I should have been happy with what I had because now I feel like I have nothing.
I can’t go back and change the fact that I didn’t like him as more than a friend when we first met. I wish I could change that I turned down his attempts to date me..
I should have never made it clear that we were nothing but best friends.I can’t go back and change the fact that my feelings changed about him, even when I thought they never would.
I wish I could change the way I went about trying to move out of the friend zone.
I should have eased into a transition instead of letting my clumsy words and actions take over.
God damnit. I just wish I could fucking just change all of it.
I want him back in every way possible.
I’m just stuck to deal with my actions and my feelings alone without him to tell me it will all be okay.
I don’t know if it will be okay.
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