Blame it on timing, pride or selfishness, but it's over. It's finished now and I have to pick myself up. I have to learn how to fill in the parts that he took with him. And I've accepted that.
I know that it wasn't meant to be. For whatever reason, I know that my heart was not supposed to end up in his hands. He held on for a little while and then he gave up.
For a really long time, I thought that maybe, if I waited long enough, he would come back to me. And we would live happily ever after. But that was just a dream and I know that now.
But what I can't really understand, what I really hate to admit, is that there is a small part of me that is always going to want him.
I've tried time and time again to make it go away. To stop thinking about him when I know that he's still up, trying to fight sleep.
But I have to be honest with myself, and with him. There is always going to be that thought in the back of my head that maybe he'll come back after all.
After all of this time, after everything we've had to let go of, I just think that sometimes, maybe we desereve one more chance.
I know that it's not reailty, it's just a dream.
I know that we have both moved a little too far away to ever get back to where we were. To the people that we were when we were in love.
Because no matter what, I know one thing to be true. I loved him with all my heart. I still do.
I know that one day, I'll find someone else to love. And that I'll be happy again.
But he made me the happiest, best version of myself. And that's the part that I can't forget. That's the one little piece of hope that I hold onto.
I know that things are different now. I know that it would never work. But that doesn't stop me from dreaming. From thinking about him when someone else is sleeping next to me.
Because he's not him. And he is all that I want. That's all I ever really wanted, was him.
So yes, I have moved on. Each day, each night, I get a little bit stronger. I forget him little by little because I have to. Because there's nothing else that is going to fix this thing.
A part of me will always rest with him. Even though I hate to admit it because it's been so long.
To say that he got the best of me would be an understatement. I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to give myself to someone the way that I gave myself to him
Deep down, I know that it's over. But I also want him to know that he's always going to be my favorite what if.
There is still a chance for us, for him to love me again. That much I know.
It might take a month, or a year, but I hope that one day, he understands why it hurts so much. I hope that one day, he finally understands that I'm never going to be able to quit him.
As much as I try, I know that a part of me will always be wishing, wondering, wanting him.
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