We’ve been married for a few years now and have certainly gone through our share of ups and downs. Today as we celebrate yet another year of life together, I’m happy to say that I am as in love and proud of our love as I was the day we shared our vows and promised each other forever love. We’ve put our heart and soul into our marriage and it really feels like nothing could ever tear us apart.
We have happiness and love, but I can’t help but ask myself, do we really have it all? I think of this often because the one thing we can’t have is children… and it’s my fault, I’m not capable of having children. From the beginning of our relationship, you told me that was never an issue and that it’d never be an issue, but I can’t help but wonder that perhaps it’s really not fair that because of me, you never get to be a father.
So I want to say I’m sorry for not being able to give you the experience of fatherhood. Our lives revolve around us and you always make me feel like that’s all you need to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for it. I couldn’t ask for more. But you’re such an amazing human being that it makes me daydream about you being a dad. I know it in my heart that you’ve been an amazing father. And it breaks my heart a little that I can’t give you that.
You had amazing father figures in your life, you love children and children just gravitate towards you. You have all it takes to be a great role model for a mini you. I often imagine you spoiling our kid but also discipline them, I think about you teaching how to eat with a fork, how to ride their bike and how to play catch. I know it’s wishful thinking but there’s something about the idea of having our little family that makes me wonder if it’s possible to be forever happy without being parents.
We gave it a shot when we thought that maybe there was a chance. We weren’t too hopeful because it was already a given that it was not possible. But we tried and it was hard to realize that there was not much else to do but throw the towel and accept the reality. It’s just not in the cards for us.
Through it all you’ve been supportive and not once you’ve made feel inadequate about it. And I guess what I’m really trying to say is sorry you’re losing something in this life with me, but thank you for sticking by us.
You make my life complete and I hope that regardless of my inability to add something more to our relationship, you don’t regret giving up on being a father.
What we have is amazing, and I hope you know I don’t take one day with you for granted. I enjoy how we continue to fill our hearts with our endless experiences together. We might not have an extension of us but we wholeheartedly have each other.
I love you and can't wait to continue creating more memories together.
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