I know that you are looking at me and wondering where the happy, excited girl went. I see that look in your eyes. The one that feels pity for me. I know you are confused and just want to help me get back to the 'old me'. But I just don't know where that 'old me' is.
I lost me. I still don't know where I am. It's dark and lonely here. Yes, I know you are standing right beside me. That changes nothing.
The place I'm in is scary and dark. It's not a place I want to be, but I honestly don't know how to get out.
Telling me "it's all gonna be okay" is not helping me. Right now, even though I put on a brave face, nothing is okay. Nothing is right.
It's hard to run from what you can't escape from.
I promise I want to be in the light with you. I want happy days. I just can't seem to find them right now.
Please don't pressure me to be happy and excited all the time. That's so hard to do with this weight sitting on my shoulders.
Don't fight with me about spending time with you when all I want to do in sleep. Sleep is my only escape from this darkness.
Please stop getting upset with me for finding happiness in little things that don't always involve you. It just pushes me back down this hole further. I'm trying to climb out- so please just be happy for me.
Pretending is exhausting. I pretend all day to be happy for people. Can I just be sad when I'm with you? Can't you please just understand?
Things may never be right again.
I'll never be the person I once was. I'll never be happy and bubbly again. Losing so much has changed the person I used to be.
I don't know who I am. But I do know that I need you beside me to help me find out.