You have to be delusional if you thought that she was going to wait around for you to "find" yourself and be ready to commit to her. Did you honestly expect her to stay? Wait indefinitely for you to get your act together? You gave her no reason to stay. You chewed her up and spit her out so many times she eventually lost count.
You convinced her so many times that you wanted her, needed her, loved her, couldn’t survive without her. You wanted her so badly, yet you put no effort into actually being with her.
You just left her with broken promises and empty words. So why on earth would you think you deserved her when you gave her no choice but to leave?
It takes two to tango and you left her dancing all alone. Fighting not even with you, but with herself. Convincing herself that you loved her, because the truth is that you didn’t even care enough to make that cogent to her yourself.
All the sacrifices she made for you—defending you, caring for you, peeling you off the ground every time you fell face-first into the cement, giving up every other aspect of her life just for you—you just took it all for granted. Like she owed it to you.
You gave her nothing to hold onto but somehow expected her to stay. You left her waiting and waiting. Always waiting for you to come through for her.
But while you were finding yourself and figuring everything out—getting your life together and having your fun—she moved on.
So now you want to dig your claws in deeper, keep her hooked on the drug that is you. Because you don’t actually care about what’s best for her—no, you just want her.
You want her time and attention and affection; you want someone to be there for you like you’ve grown so accustomed to.
But she’s sober now. She doesn’t want you anymore, because while you were finding yourself, she did the same. And she realized just how much she didn’t actually need you.
She doesn’t need your morphine lips or your tangled web of lies, she doesn’t miss the pounding headache she woke up with after every night she spent fighting with you.
She doesn’t need you at all because you have nothing to offer her. So she’s finally putting herself first. She’s moving on and it’s time for you to do the only decent thing you may ever be able to do for her and just let her.
For more from rc, visit her writer's page here.