You blew into my life completely unexpectedly. Charming, devastatingly handsome, and into me. I couldn’t believe it.
Flirtatious texts, stolen kisses, and thoughtful conversations seemed too good to be true. We even had a fight, with you apologizing to make sure this didn’t end before it began.
But now, the illusion is starting to fade. I am in limbo. I don’t want other guys, but I know you are talking to other girls, so I keep up the ruse of being comfortable with casual fun.
I go out with other men while you disappear for the evening. Each time I'm ready to call it quits, though, you come back around.
Casual fun is only fun for so long. That's the problem. I’m a relationship girl and won’t apologize for it. It's ok if you don't want to take my heart seriously, it just shows me that I should stand my ground and not settle for less than I deserve.
I want someone who puts me before anyone else. I want plans made in advance, rather than last minute texts. I want someone who wants only me.
So I start pulling back. I know that my gut is right, no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise. But even as this draws to a close, I'm grateful.
I’m grateful that you came into my world so unexpectedly and that I'm able to identify that what you have to offer is not good enough for me. For the first time since my heart was destroyed by someone else, I started to feel something. This proves that I've learned from my past experiences.
You showed me that the part of me I thought was broken is whole once again. I didn’t expect you, but even more so I never expected to feel anything like this again.
As you fade away from my life, I want to say thank you.
Thank you for showing me the part of myself I thought was lost to pain and heartbreak is actually still there.
Thank you for reminding me (even if it's for a brief time) what it is to be excited about someone, to get nervous at the thought of seeing them and to be lost in our time together, for reminding me I am whole, and that the real me—the one he couldn’t destroy—is as strong as ever.
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