I had the hardest time identifying that I was an Extrovert just because this paradigm exists. I always identified as a wallflower, so thought I was an Introvert for more years than I should have. But I found in time that I am in fact an extrovert—I just find my way to the edges of a crowd.
The wallflower extrovert is a peculiar breed. We’re the underdogs, the ones they don’t see coming.
While we don’t look like an extrovert, we are through and through. We’re just more subtle about it.
Many of us probably know a wallflower extrovert, someone of the peculiar breed. Or you might be one yourself (Go, team!). And I have for you nine things that might be helpful to know about them.
- We may be the quiet one in a large crowd, but that doesn’t mean we’re not enjoying ourselves. This one’s number one for a reason. People always think wallflowers aren’t enjoying themselves as they sit to the side and twiddle their thumbs. The wallflower extrovert is eating up the energy from the room. They’re soaking. Like a bath. Have you ever taken a bath before? Trust me, we’re enjoying ourselves.
- We prefer more intimate gathers. That is where our extroversion shines. Small groups are our forte. We may even totally seem like extroverts in this case!
- We can get energy from sitting by ourselves in a room of people we may never meet. Go coffee shops with free wifi!
- We prefer deep relationships over surface-level relationships. We want to know all about you, not just know you. We love to ask the big questions and create a bond. If we feel like we can't, you probably won't hear from us much.
- WE ARE NOT SHY. Bolded. Capitalized. Italicized. This one is another important misconception. I literally cringe when people call me shy. Wallflower Extroverts are hardly shy--we just would rather other people approach us first. It’s a test, if you will.
- We have walls up. We will get to know you all day, but letting you into our life is a little harder. We hang on the outskirts of the group for a reason.
- We could go without being the center of attention. We love people, but they don’t all HAVE to love us, especially all at once, in the middle of a crowd. We'll stick to the wall.
- Some days, on rare occasions, we will be the life of the party. Maybe we were isolated for a week, or maybe we’re just pumped up on something else, but regardless a time will come where we want all the attention and we want it now. These are rare moments, so take them for all their glory.
- Social Media gives us energy. This is an odd one that people don’t realize, but you do interact with people on social media. Wallflower extroverts probably have every platform in existence and will use them all regularly. This is the only way I survive if I know there are no social gatherings in my near future.
Now go give the Wallflower Extrovert in your life a pat on the back.
They're a complicated, beautiful being you've probably misunderstood or overlooked too many times. Go enjoy their presence and let them enjoy yours.