You know that cliché quote everyone is always saying but never taking seriously? It's the one that goes: you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Well, it's true, and it’s time to put it into action. Here’s what will happen to you if you don't.
1. You will lose yourself.
I’ve seen it happen a million times. People who neglect to love themselves are easily defined by someone else. They are so in love with their boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, husband, etc., that it becomes who they are. When they put someone before themselves in this way, they’re off the radar, and it only feeds the problem. When you forget to love yourself, you will forget who you are. You will forget that you’re a talented artist, or an ace in Chemistry. When you choose to put your love and energy into someone else before considering your own well-being, you are setting yourself up for failure. If they leave your life, what will you have left? An empty shell of who you once were. Not to mention getting over them will be even harder to deal with. It’s likely you will end up falling into the arms of someone else due to your insecurities and continue the vicious cycle. That’s why I’m telling you right now, don’t do it.
2. You will lose your relationships.
So, you don’t know who you are anymore. Your life has become another person. You are nothing more than a dependent, and your partner will likely see it before you do. You have forgotten the elements of yourself that made your significant other fall in love with you, and in the end, you will lose them because of it. You wouldn’t want to be with someone with a lack of confidence or personality, so you can’t blame them.
“You’ve changed,” is what they will say.
And you will argue. “I have done everything for you. What do you mean I’ve changed?”
You spent so much time loving and giving, but you inadvertently destroyed the relationship. Your lack of initiative and confidence will hurt you. You probably won’t realize it, so you will beat yourself up. You’ll be left wondering what went wrong. But I’ll save you the pain and tell you. You forgot about you.
3. You will resent the ones you love.
If by some miracle, you don’t end up losing your loved one because you lost all of the great qualities you once had, you'll end up resenting them instead. This is for the endless giver. The one that is constantly letting people take. One day you are going to turn around and feel used. You are going to bring your self-worth into question because you will have forgotten how important you are. Once you have gotten this far, it’s hard to realize how you got there. So instead of seeing what really happened, you’re going to blame all those takers.
“You used me.”
“You only call when you need something.”
The truth is, you let them. You never drew the line. You never felt you needed to. But I’m telling you, you do. Respect yourself, and you will be respected by your friends and family. If you don’t, it is inevitable that your relationships will cease to crumble.
4. You will not recover.
If you don’t make the change soon, before you know it, it will be too late. Imagine yourself twenty years down the road. You are married, you have children, and you have the white picket fence. Do you think you’ll be willing to take a time out and rediscover yourself? Most likely, you won’t. Because to really begin loving yourself, something you haven’t done in years, you’ll need to get away. But then you’ll find that you can’t. It’s not because you’re suddenly unimportant, rather it’s because of the intense fear of judgment.
“How can a mother do that?”
“I bet she’s cheating on her husband.”
“Talk about a dead-beat.”
You don’t do sick days. You don’t spend money on a mani/pedi or even new clothes. You don’t take vacations alone. You give and give and give. But one day, you will realize that you are empty. Your sense of self has dissipated and you are just so tired of people using you up. Don’t wait until it happens twenty years down the line and you feel trapped. Don’t let co-workers whisper. Don’t let your friends make you feel guilty for skipping out on them. Don’t forget to love yourself today.
Honestly, the list could go on. Maybe you can handle all these things – maybe I’m wrong. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell you I’m not. You know that I’m absolutely right. Excuse me for being harsh, but sometimes we need to hear it like it is. You should take this seriously. I know you don’t want these things to happen to you. So make your change today. Get started with these examples: Say “no” once in a while. Take a mental health day. Curl up with a good book, alone. Order take-out. Splurge on a new sweater or comfortable pair of jeans. Take a weekend vacation alone. Do things that will make you a confident person. Just remember to make yourself happy, because if you forget how important that is, you will know sadness too well. When the plane is going down, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. It will make the biggest difference.
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