You’re probably wondering if there will ever be a time or a place where you just won’t run into a douchelord.
The answer is hell no, but at least there are plenty of ways to catch them in the act.
1. He’s the guy who’s shouting his keg stand time across the beer pong table.
Let’s face it, his keg stand time is probably double anything he can accomplish in bed.
2. Or he’s the guy who’s trying to be mysterious in the corner with a glass of scotch (instead of the shitty PBR).
He’s tortured and he’s different and no one understands him.
3. His idea of flirting is making jokes about your personality or appearance five minutes after meeting you.
When you were younger, your mom told you that the boy who pulled your pigtails had a crush on you.
This is that boy. He does not have a crush on you. He’s just an ass.
4. Or worse, he’s making declarations of adoration and comparing your beauty to the light of a thousand suns.
You should know that he probably just exhausted his vocabulary.
5. A smooth talker and a gorgeous smile does not equal a good listener and lovely personality.
If he can’t remember the last three things you’ve said – or if you haven’t gotten a word in at all – then he’s totally not worth your time.
6. Gossiping or making rude comments about the people around you is his way of making polite conversation.
He doesn't care about you. He just wants you to know how witty and how funny he is.
7. You'll notice that his favorite thing to do is name drop.
He knows the CEO of such-and-such a startup, he somehow knows the name of your best friend and her boyfriend.
8. In group settings, he feels the need to make you compete with another girl for his attention.
You and this other girl are both hot, you’re both intelligent, and you’re both way too good for him.
9. If he’s been girl-hopping at a party, imagine him girl-hopping while you’re dating.
Either those girls couldn’t hold his (probably tiny) attention span, or they wouldn’t fall for his charm. Don’t be that girl.
10. If he’s only interested in hooking up, he’s no good for you.
Sure, hookups can be fun, but if a guy walks into your life with his pants off, chances are he’s not interested in any activities that require shirts and shoes.
11. He responds to your texts less and less and you feel pressured to make yourself more “interesting.”
He won’t say it outright, but you’ll feel him getting bored with you. Your first instinct is to change something about yourself to keep him around.
12. Maybe you think he’s a decent guy, worth a shot, but he can’t seem to find the time to actually date you.
He’s busy. He has work. His life is really difficult right now. #bye
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