People who meet me for the first time often think I’m either cold hearted or heartless and I could understand why because I’m not the most expressive person.
I barely talk a lot about the personal things and I’m socially selective when it comes to making new friends. And when it comes to dating, it takes me a while to open up.
But the thing is though I’m guarded, I’m not heartless because I have a heart, it’s just that I have to protect it.
Because when your heart has taken so many punches, you can’t help but protect it. It’s a matter of life and death.
It’s because I have such a big heart that I’ve had to guard it. I’ve allowed certain people to come in who couldn’t be trusted because I saw good in them and I allowed that goodness to blind me to their darkness.
I let them in because I wanted to see them through their trials. But at the end of the day, I ended getting used, hurt, and abandoned.
The pain that your heart goes through can feel way worse than physical pain. It’s not something that you can romanticize because it changes you to the point where you can’t even recognize yourself.
You go from a loving and trusting to guarding and resenting over time.
But that doesn’t mean I have no heart nor does it even mean I hate everyone. I’m just more careful with who I trust and I now understand that not everyone enters your life with the best intentions.
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