We’re all just trying to make it from breakfast to bedtime with minimal regret. And sometimes we have to lightly massage the truth just to survive.
So yes, we all tell the occasional white lie:
- I’ll just sleep for five more minutes…
I’m going to be late today.
- I’m SO over him.
I’ve looked at his Facebook twice within the last 24 hours.
- Sorry, just saw your text!!!
I saw your text several hours ago but I didn’t feel like responding.
- I’m just going to watch one episode.
Or, y’know… one season.
- Oh yeah, I read that.
I read part of that.
- Oh yeah, I read part of that.
I didn’t read that at all.
- Oh yeah, I’ve heard of that.
I have NEVER heard of that.
- We don’t have enough pictures together!
I need a new profile picture and I don’t want it to be a selfie.
- I’m not feeling that great today…
I don’t want to do whatever you’re about to ask me to do.
- I’m not looking for a relationship right now.
I’m not looking for a relationship with YOU right now.
- I’m kind of tired tonight…
If I’m not in bed with a glass of red wine in half an hour, I’m going to snap and murder someone.
- I’m going to start going to the gym!
- I’m going to start eating healthy!
Does wine count as fruit?
- I’m going to start going to bed earlier!
How is it already 1am?? Have I really been reading stupid listicles for two hours?
- We’re keeping it casual right now.
This relationship has been over for a while now but I don’t feel like dealing with it.
- I’ve EARNED this cupcake.
Running for the bus counts as running.
- I’m going to die ALONE.
I need to stop stalking my ex online.
- I’m a huge fat ugly MONSTER.
I need to stop stalking my ex’s new girlfriend online.
- I’m fine.
Let’s not even open that door.
- I’ll just come out for one drink.
Anyone down for SHOTS??
- I’m never drinking again.
For at LEAST three days.
- Yes, I have heard about that very important current events story.
I saw someone post an article about it and actively chose not to read it.
- This job is fine for right now.
WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?
- I should head home…
I have some instant ramen to cry into.
- I’ll be there in five minutes.
I have yet to leave my house and/or put on pants.
- I’ll just have one more chip.
I am about to put all of these chips into my face.
- I should start wearing hats. I would look good in a hat.
There is a yawning emptiness inside me and I don’t know how to fill it.
- Haha, don’t worry about it! I don’t mind!
You just made my vengeance list.
- I’m just really busy right now.
I already did something today.
- I’ll deal with this tomorrow!
Or never. Either way, it’s a problem for future me!