Look, ladies. We can’t all be dainty and fresh and precious all the time.
Sometimes we’re decidedly unladylike, and we’re not about to apologize for it. Sorry boys, we poop and have hair on our legs. Deal with it.
And that’s just the tip of the less-than-ladylike iceberg:
- Never washing our bras, ever, because bras don’t get dirty.
- Cursing like a fucking sailor. Who says girls shouldn’t curse if we damn well want to?
- Sleeping with our make up on. And then just smudging it into a smoky eye the next morning. Because fuck it.
- Getting sloppy drunk and spilling beer all over ourselves and then making out with a stranger anyway. Well, it’s Friday.
- And then drunkenly making our way through a burrito and/or at least four slices of pizza.
- Being really enthusiastic about Franzia.
- Eating food that fell on the floor. Five second rule, right? Or something.
- Going commando. And not in a sexy way. In a dear-god-do-I-need-to-do-laundry kind of way.
- Hanging with our lady friends in the bathroom while they pee. Or take a bath. It’s just a human body, everyone chill out.
- Not washing our hair, because hair washing takes forever and that’s what dry shampoo is for.
- Keeping things in our bras. When society starts giving women bigger pockets, then we can negotiate this.
- Never shaving. Up yours, society.
- Seriously. If boys hate body hair so much, why do they have so much of it?
- Oversharing at every given opportunity. Because if I didn’t tell my girls the size and shape of every sexual organ I ever encountered, it would be weird.
- Wearing only the cheapest of jewelry. Green fingers for days.
- Wearing the same clothes for days. Extra perfume = clean, right?
- Peeing in places not meant for peeing. You have not yet lived if you have not yet engaged in a group pee with your friends in public.
- Fishnets and heels all the way, baby. Extra points for ripped fishnets (just try to wear fishnets once without tearing them, they’re made of cobwebs and dreams).
- Being really, obviously thirsty around a cute boy. Usually paired with being really, obviously intoxicated. Hey, all I’m saying is that it works.
- Selfies on selfies on selfies on selfies. Don’t be jealous of our fierce selfie game.
- Using scrunched up toilet paper to stem the ceaseless flow of blood, because we don’t have any tampons or pads and this world hates women so public bathrooms NEVER have any, either.
- Alternatively, realizing we just got our periods, but being too comfortable to get up and deal with it right away. Eh, I wasn’t crazy about these panties anyway.
- Still on that point, having to coordinate when you wear your permanently stained panties. Oh no we might hook up, I hope this pair isn’t bloodstained.
- Calling other bitches “bitches.” What? Do you want us to lie?
- Screaming lyrics to songs because THIS IS OUR JAM.
- Forgetting a hook up’s name. Ben? Dan? Den?
- Not showering after the gym. Time for more perfume.
- Rocking the most exposed skin we can get away with, because we want to and who even asked you?
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