A lot goes through your head while exercising, but you’re all about results:
- As you lace up your sneakers, you’re ready to take on the world. I’m going to do ten miles today. Easy.
- You catch a glimpse of your reflection and realize your work-out outfit looks terrible. Do I just need to exercise more? No, just more shopping.
- Your exercise shorts are inside out, but what are you going to do? Are you gonna let that stop you? Take a diet pill instead? Yeah, the only diet pill you take is called get the f*ck up off your a*s and work it, b*tch.
- Thank god you have your music with you.
- But your music player has low battery.
- And you’ve listened to this pump-it-up type playlist fifty-thousand-times. Why don’t I ever buy new music?
- But nothing can take your eyes off the prize. Exercise is the best ticket to health and it’s cheaper than medical bills.
- Or, in the nearer future: Ten miles and I’ll get ice cream on the way home.
- There’s this feeling in your stomach that must be hunger. I really need to try that new restaurant across the street.
- You start to feel like everyone’s looking at you. Why is that creepy person staring at me? Ew, I wish he’d stop. Don’t make eye contact.
- You feel dumb when you realize the person is staring behind you, not at you.
- But someone else catches your eye. Is the cute one staring at me? Maybe I’ll run into him. Is he making eye contact?
- No, he’s not looking at you. The hell with him anyway. He’s not even exercising, lazy a*ss. But look at how much you’ve done in ten minutes. You’re a boss *ss b*tch.
- There’s this feeling in your stomach. Do I need to see a doctor?
- You decide to revamp your exercise goal for the day. Five miles is an honorable achievement. Quality over quantity. You’ll add on some push-ups and weight training instead after you finish running.
- You’re annoyed at the person next to you for having B.O.
- Until you realize it’s not them. Did I put deodorant on this morning? Shit.
- Whatever. Sweat is fat crying.
- Before you know it, you start to feel more awake than tired. Anyway, you don’t sweat; you sparkle.
- But the energy doesn’t last long, and you start to feel that pain again.
- You wonder about your exercise intentions. Is this healthy? Or just masochistic?
- You remind yourself that pain is just weakness leaving the body.
- You take a sip of water. Water never tasted so amazing in your life. A mood boost hits you.
- And before you know it, you realize you made it past your five mile goal. Without even noticing. So you decide to leave the push-ups for tomorrow.
- Because there’s no better feeling better than a finished workout, and you killed it.