FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is an epidemic in this day and age. In the olden days, people probably didn’t even have FOMO because they didn’t see cool people out at parties on Instagram. They were too busy churning butter or lighting their kerosene lamps or whatever.
But in today’s world, we must all live with the constant fear that someone, somewhere is having a better time than we are (and then posting about it online just to make us feel bad):
- You frequently over-schedule yourself. You say YES! to so many cool things on Friday that you can’t actually go to all of them, which just gives you worse FOMO.
- You’re not afraid of sending out several dozen What are you up to? texts. Just so you know what everyone is up to.
- When you are out partying it up, you must take photos to document this event (so those poor saps at home can get FOMO from your photos now, so THERE).
- You’re constantly feeling that phantom phone buzz. Did someone text me?? Are they doing something cool!? Oh, wait no, no one texted me and I’m imagining things. Cool.
- Even when you want to stay home with the fifth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you feel guilty that you’re not out at a bar with your friends wishing you were home.
- Checking social media can be mild torture. Your camp friend from three years ago went to an office party. WITHOUT YOU??
- Your friends have to force you to stay home when you’re sick. It’s just a fever! I can still go out to the club!
- It doesn’t matter how many times “going out” turns into Franzia and pizza in your friend’s basement. You have to go just in case this is the time that you meet the love of your life and then maybe Nicki Minaj shows up somehow.
- You’ve ended up going to two (or three, or five) parties in one night before. But the hilarious inside joke thing still happened AFTER you left.
- You say yes to hanging out even if you know you’re going to have a miserable time. Because what if this is the first time that you have a really good time hanging out with that person you don’t really like??
- You will be that person who tags along if it comes down to it. Better that than the person who wasn’t there last night and has to find out about everything through someone’s snap story.
- It drives you NUTS if everyone starts talking about a movie or TV show you haven’t seen yet. STOP TALKING ABOUT THE RED WEDDING, I HAVEN’T GOTTEN THERE YET!
- You will go out in any weather. Freezing your ass off is the price you pay for not missing out.
- If you have to miss out on a gathering, you will be interrogating your friends afterwards to make sure you didn’t miss anything major.
- Your friends can’t understand your crippling FOMO because you’re always out doing cool things and hanging out with people??
- You’ll totally blow your cash for the week on a fun night with your squad. So what if you have to eat nothing but ramen and peanut butter for the next seven days? WORTH IT.
- You’ll gladly listen to gossip about people you barely know because you want all the hot gossip. Even if it’s about your friend-of-a-friend’s ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, and you’ve never met them.
- Even when you’re out somewhere, you have to check your phone to make sure there isn’t anywhere else you should be right now.
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