What is better than eating cereal, sitting in a chair, and watching TV all day? Nothing. Life does not get any better than that. That’s what we’re all striving for—we work to retire into the good life.
Here are a few signs that you probably want to skip work and go straight into retirement.
1. You wake up thinking about going back to bed.
Retired life is the ultimate dream. You won’t have a blaring alarm clock harass you out of bed. No way. You can wake up and get up at your leisure.
2. Your body is too achy to go to work.
For whatever reason, you’re always sore and tired. Clearly, you’re not meant to be slaving away at a desk for the next 50 years. You were put on this Earth to chill the f*ck out. There’s no way your poor old bones can handle this kind of physical stress every week.
3. And you hate putting in contacts.
You wish you could wear your oversized glasses out in public. But no, it’s not socially acceptable until you’re at least 65. You’ll probably poke your eyes out by then. If only glasses didn’t make your eyes look ten times larger, you could totally rock them in the real world.
4. The most painful part about going to work is leaving your precious pet at home.
Poor little Mr. Fluffers is stuck with the dog walker or cat sitter as you go about your day. But until you get home, you’re constantly worrying and thinking about your pet. The best part of your day is walking through the door to see your little angel waiting to greet you (or passively waiting by the food bowl).
5. Everyday should be casual Friday.
Comfy clothes are your godsend. No, it’s not like you want to walk around in your PJs (or maybe you do!), but you’d like to wear something casual and less stuffy than a pencil skirt. Comfort is the key to a good life.
6. You stopped giving a f*ck about going out a long time ago.
Who wants to go out and get wasted on a Saturday night? Not you. Staying up and chatting with your best friends in the backyard is the best kind of party you’ll attend. Hanging out at home or at a friend’s home is your favorite kind of night. No pressure, no strange people, just friendship and memories.
7. Technology is not your friend.
Yes, you know the basics like Facebook and texting,but most of the time you want to throw your phone at the wall. It’s annoying and confusing and a waste of time. Sure, it’s convenient when you need to make quick plans or let someone know that you’re running late. But otherwise, technology is annoying.
8. But you love to watch daytime television.
You do, however, love watching TV and going to the movies. Even reading. It’s not a problem for you to do activities on your own—in fact, you actually enjoy alone time. There’s no need for constant human interaction and entertainment. You’re perfectly comfortable enjoying a movie or show and yelling at the TV without disturbing anyone else.
9. You think of your friends as if they were your grandkids.
Oh those young'uns, always running around and getting themselves into trouble. They come to your place for delicious baking, catching up on memories, and some hard liquor drinking. Plus, no one can down that Irish whiskey quite like you.
10. The perfect day is spent in your slippers with a book on the back porch with a cat on your lap and sunshine everywhere.
Ah yes, a lovely day during retirement. You don’t owe anyone anything. It’s all about you enjoying life. No more assignments, no one to report to, no responsibilities. You just get to hangout and do whatever you wish. And all of your money is saved up so you get to do whatever you want with it now.
11. Brunch with the ladies is your favorite social event.
Brunch: the best meal of the day. You wish that it could be celebrated every day of the week, like the retired ladies get to do. As an old lady, you don’t get hangovers and dressing up for brunch is laughable. Today is the day to put on your massive (prescription strength) sunglasses and have a few mimosas.
12. Above all else, you just want to take it easy and live your life with no restraints.
Retired life is the ultimate goal. You can live out your life as your true self—a happy old lady.