I prefer the term fade away or fizzling out to ghosting. But… you know that thing where you go on a dates and then one of the people just ceases communication in order to end things without having to be a grown up and talk about it?
Yeah, I’ve totally done that.
Look, I have no real excuse. Except that Kermit and Miss Piggy split up so love is dead, anyway.
1. You're great, just not great enough.
I'm not thaaat into you…you figured that much out, right? I mean, you’re not that good at taking hints, so I just want to make sure…
2. We weren't 'anything' so you don't care that much, right?
We weren’t dating dating. We just went on a couple of dates. That doesn’t really count as DATING, does it?
Oh, you think it does count? Well, that’s another example of how we’re not a good fit.
3. You definitely didn't even like me that much.
I didn’t give you any of my A game. So now I’m letting you down “gently.” Is that so wrong? It is? Wow, we really have nothing in common at all. Why do you even like me?! I’m terrible!
4. I'm a garbage person.
5. I really thought you were picking up what I was putting down...
Look, buddy, we had no chemistry. And you should have figured out what my lack of texts mean by now. So really it’s kind of your fault that I’m drawing this out forever like Vietnam.
6. You were pretty offensive, but not even in a good 'let's debate' way.
I would never miss an opportunity to have a nice, chewy, face-to-face breakup. But you did something minor that ticked me off, and now I’m going to punish you by responding to all your texts with vague emoji. Like a mature adult.
7. If I had to carry one more conversation with you, I'd probably die.
Mostly I just couldn’t think up a very good reason to stop seeing you, besides my strong desire to stop seeing you.
8. You were all sorts of too hot and heavy.
Ughh you were always TEXTING and snapchatting me. Snapchat should never be used as a mode of actual communication!
Now, would I still be complaining if you had never texted me? Yes, probably.
But just because I’m a hypocrite, it doesn’t mean you should shapchat me to ask “hey, how are you?” after we haven’t talked in three weeks.
Let it die a natural death, man.
9. Guys do it all the time, so it's fine when I do it... it's a cycle.
Ok, it’s not really fair to bring up the sad parade of misfit toys I’ve dated in the past… but guys have totally done this to me before! And it made me upset!
So I decided to keep up the cycle of poor communication and disrespect by emulating their poor behavior! How is that my fault??
10. But mostly, it's that I'm a garbage person.
Yeah, I’m the worst, don’t try to love me.