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8 Things to Know Before Dating Someone Who Doesn't Believe in "Forever"

"I know that if you smile at somebody and they smile back, you’ve just decided that something shitty is going to happen. 

You might have a nice couple of dates, but then she’ll stop calling you back and that’ll feel shitty. Or you’ll date for a long time and then she’ll have sex with one of your friends, or you will with one of hers, and that’ll be shitty. Or you’ll get married, and it won’t work out and you’ll get divorced and split your friends and money and that’s horrible.

Or you’ll meet the perfect person who you love infinitely, and you even argue well and you grow together and you have children, and then you get old together and then she’s gonna die. That’s the best-case scenario, is that you’re gonna lose your best friend and then just walk home from D’Agostino’s with heavy bags every day and wait for your turn to be nothing also." — Louis C.K.

It’s a brutal truth we prefer to avoid most of the time: relationships, even the best ones, have some endpoint, at some moment in time. Those of us who are reluctant to use phrases like “forever” are often misunderstood as being cold when that couldn't be further from the truth.

1. We can't put our heads in the sand to all the facts.

No matter how painful it is to acknowledge, the majority of relationships are likely to end sooner than people expect. People promise forever all the time, and it pans out that their "forever" only meant a few months. 

2. When we say we can't believe in forever, we don't mean “I don't want to be with you forever.”

It’s the opposite. We hope things will last as long as possible, but throwing around words like "forever" devalues our actual promises.

3. It doesn't mean we don't believe in love…

You can “not believe in forever” and still be a romantic with a big heart. 

It’s not the “love” we don’t believe in; it’s the illusion of forever that seems like a lie to us.

4. …It means we have to live every moment to the fullest. 

It’s vitally important to us that we love as much as we can now, everyday, and in the future. 

We don't want a stale promise of an unchanging forever; we want our partners to grow and change with us instead. 

5. There’s no blueprint for the perfect relationship. 

No relationship is going to last long at all if you try to fit it into a box. 

It’s more important to acknowledge things can be complicated sometimes, and there’s no simple black and white “meant to be."

6. We resist labels like “forever."

We don’t like to make promises about outcomes that we may have no control over. We want to express our feelings of love, but we think it means more to do than just say.

7. Actions mean more than promises. 

We’re logical about stuff, so we’re going to take you seriously when you always show up, when you never judge us, when you stick with us even in not-so-fun moments. 

If we’re with you, we value your actions and your presence more than just words.

8. We never take love for granted.

We may not have forever, but we fight for today. It's because we’re highly conscious that nothing is really permanent. We don’t have hearts of stone; if anything, we're more intensely aware of just how easy it is to lose someone we love deeply.

Ultimately, we don’t take it for granted that nothing is forever. It makes us hold on tighter to the love that we have.