Let’s face it: people are just ok. But bed? Bed is fucking amazing. Every morning you make the choice to leave bed and go hang out with people, and every morning you regret it.
Lovers come and go, but bed is forever.
- Bed is just so much more snuggly than people. People are boney and full of weird angles. No so with bed. Bed has no boney shoulders or cold feet to ruin your life.
- Sleeping with your bed never gets complicated.
- People are always trying to make you leave bed, but you don’t want to hurt bed’s feelings.
- Life is hard. Bed is soft.
- Bed is ALWAYS down to cuddle.
- When you have the hangover from hell, bed is more than happy to let you just lie there and die quietly.
- Bed will let you cry all over it all the time always.
- Bed doesn’t care if you shower it with crumbs and soy sauce (and probably wine).
- Bed never judges you for watching six (or ten…) episodes in a row on Netflix.
- After a long hard day, bed is still all snuggly and warm. It never complains. Real people have so many feeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings.
- People are always asking you to do things. Bed never asks you to do anything, except maybe stay in bed. Which you are more than happy to do.
- Bed is always happy to welcome another person into your relationship.
- You never have to get all dressed up to hang out with bed. Bed never requires that you shower or wear a bra, unlike society.
- Bed just seems to share all your interests! (Sleeping. Your interests are sleeping.)
- Bed will support you, even when you have sleepless nights of staring blankly at the ceiling thinking about your own mortality. Why worry about the ceaseless passage of time when you have a safe, smushy bed?
- You look forward to going back to bed all day. You don’t really look forward to interacting with other humans ever.
- Why sit at a desk when you can sit in a bed?
- You want to marry your bed. You don’t feel that way about most people.
- Bed never thinks you’re too drunk. Or that you shouldn’t sleep until 2pm. Or that you shouldn’t be a blanket burrito and eat Nutella straight out of the jar all day.
- Bed doesn’t mind your snoring. Bed encourages your snoring. Thanks, bed.
- When your boy wants you to come over… but you’re already in bed. What are you supposed to do? LEAVE BED? Gross. No.
- Bed never makes you go out. Bed is chill if you just want to stay in. Every night. Forever.
- Photos of fluffy, cozy, cushy blankets drive you wild with desire.
- Bed will never be mad if you spend a night in another bed. (Although no other bed will ever measure up to your one and only)
- You have a love hate relationship with your snooze button and it might be the most emotionally complex relationship in your life.