Ah, the almost adult. You’re so close, yet so far. Every 20 something has been an almost adult at one point in their 20s, and they’ve made it through. Maybe you’re still going through your almost adult phase. But you’ve got plenty of time. You don’t become a real person until you’re at least 35.
1. You’re trying to take on more responsibility, like paying your rent. But your parents still help out.
Rent is expensive. You’re either living at home, or you’re trying to make your way in the city. But either way you still need help because it’s impossible to pay for all of your shit, plus thousands of dollars to live in a closet.
2. You buy healthy groceries, but you still order delivery like a college kid.
You had the right intentions. It was very adult of you to go grocery shopping, as challenging and confusing as it was. But you managed to purchase some vegetables and cereal, and other stuff. Yet you don’t really know how to cook, and even if you do, it’s not that great. So you end up ordering seamless.
3. You realize that you suddenly have to start paying for everything. Yet you don’t have any money.
Why is everything so expensive? You start to get really economical and theorize that if everything were free, the world would be a much happier place. Sigh. There goes fifteen dollars on a movie ticket. And another seven for a coke.
4. Every weekend you debate whether you should stay in like a grandma or go out like the party kid you once were.
Choices, choices. You wonder what the adult you will do. But until then you go back and forth between being a lazy fuck who eats cereal at 2am and the wild partier who starts drinking at 2am. You still don’t know which one you prefer.
5. You’re old enough to make your own doctor’s appointments, yet you still see your pediatrician.
As if the doctor’s office weren’t bad enough, there you are in the waiting room, stuck with a bunch of drooly sick five-year-olds. You look and feel ridiculous, but you have to go there because you’re still under your parent’s’ insurance, and you don’t know how to get insurance anyway.
6. College expects you to start paying your loans. But you don’t know what you’re supposed to do.
First of all, you have no money, but you’re trying to be an adult. If that’s not already hard enough, college decides that they’re going to start taking all of your money away again. And furthermore, how do loans work? What website are you supposed to go to? This was not explained in high school.
7. You still haven’t decided whether you want a real person relationship or just keep going along with the casual flings.
You’re still flip-flopping between making out with random people at the bar and settling down. Every once in a while you find a keeper. But something is keeping you from committing, because you don’t know if you can handle caring for another person. You can barely care for yourself.
8. You order coffee, yet you still really want to get hot chocolate.
There are certain social expectations that you’re forced to partake in, or risk looking like a freak. So you still get the coffee, but you dump in way too much sugar to dull down the bitter taste of getting old.
9. You think about having children someday, but then realize that it’s too expensive and terrifying.
All of those cute couples who got married after high school or college are now having children. CHILDREN. As in little babies that eat and cry and poop. What the actual fuck? How are these 20 somethings already real people? They must be mutants.
10. You feel like you have to raise your hand to speak at meetings in the office.
Your entire life has been spent in school. Now you have a job and adult responsibilities. There’s no orientation booklet for adulthood, but there totally should be. It’s not your fault that you were trained to raise you hand to speak since age five. So yeah it’s embarassing to do that in an office; just don’t call your boss “dad,” and you’ll be fine.
11. You live on your own and can do whatever you want, but you still feel like you have to ask your parents if you can go on a vacation with your friends.
You make your own money, buy your own food, and wash your own clothes. You’ve got a real person job (even if you’re still an almost adult), but for some reason, you still feel the need to ask for your parents’ permission. Obviously you’ll tell them you’re leaving the country, but you feel like you need to ask them first.
12. Being an adult just seems awful in general. You’re going back to Neverland.
You’re almost an adult, but not quite there yet. You can cross that bridge to become responsible, hardworking, and mature. Or you can turn around and stay a child forever. I vote for the latter.